


sing me to sleep

by Xiuminsbun



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Age Play Caregiver Lee Minhyuk (Monsta X), Age Play Caregiver Lim Changkyun | I.M, Age Play Caregiver Shin Hoseok | Wonho, Age Play Caregiver Son Hyunwoo | Shownu, Age Play Little Yoo Kihyun, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Bad At Tagging, Light Angst, M/M, Misunderstandings, Multi, Non-Sexual Age Play, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Platonic Cuddling, Platonic Relationships, Self-Acceptance, Stress, Yoo Kihyun-centric, kihyun is bad at feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-18
Updated: 2019-07-26
Packaged: 2020-03-07 11:11:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 26,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18872014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xiuminsbun/pseuds/Xiuminsbun
Summary: “Are you, by any means, needing to slip in little space, Kihyun?”There were a few beats of quietness, where the silence stretched through the seconds and the tension was palpable, weighing down the two boys. Finally, when Hoseok's heart had started thumping way too fast and his hands were threatening to tremble, Kihyun reacted.orSometimes Kihyun just needs a break from everything, but he is way too stubborn to accept it.





	1. denial

**Author's Note:**

> warnings: foul language

“Have you been using the dumbells I gave you?” Hoseok inquired, taking another piece of meat and dipping it on the red sauce on his plate. He lightly blew on the food as Minhyuk hummed in response, adding a piece of kimchi on top of his meat.

“Yeah. Not the bigger ones though. I feel like I would rip my arm off if I tried to lift that thing” the younger responded, finishing his lettuce roll with a satisfied smile.

“Careful with those. Hyunwoo hyung tried to kill me once” Jooheon laughed, elbowing the eldest, who blushed sheepishly at the comment.

“It was an accident! I thought you were already prepared to start with the difficult set” the man answered, scratching the back of his head, clearly embarrassed at the memory.

“It was my third session, hyung!” Jooheon gasped, too amused by the other's reaction to stop the light-hearted accusations. He knew Hyunwoo hadn't done it purpose and he hadn't really gotten hurt. It was just that the man wasn't aware of his strength sometimes and thought that normal people were able to lift 15-kilogram dumbells on their third gym class.

 

“Moral of the story, don't exercise” Changkyun found his way into the conversation, leaving his phone in the table and picking a piece of pickled onion with a smile. “It's all pros, guys. No injuries, no extra effort, no waste of time...”

“Oh god, Kyunnie. Don't be like that” Hoseok rolled his eyes at the maknae's comment, perfectly aware that the boy's hobbies were far from being similar to his own ones. “Alright, Minhyuk. Show me your progress” he requested, leaning back on his chair and taking a sip of his drink as Minhyuk's expression shifted into a proud smile.

 

The second Minhyuk rolled his sleeve up, Kihyun pushed the vocal's arm away, a low huff escaping from his lips.

“Don't be cocky, Minhyuk. Walking around like if you were some kind of professional. It's not that impressive” the younger mocked, a tad too aggressive, reaching out for the bottle of wine as he ignored Minhyuk's dumbfounded expression. The elder recovered quickly, swatting the other's hand playfully in response at the sudden attack.

“You're just jealous. You wish you had my muscles, you big baby.” he fired back, snatching the bottle of red alcohol from the smaller's hands.

The others were barely fazed by the interaction, as the bickering between the two was a usual thing both in and off the screen. This time, though, Hoseok swore that he saw Kihyun tensing up for a few seconds, jaw closing with too much force and a flash of hurt through his eyes.

“Yeah, you wish” Kihyun finally answered, a few beats too late. His voice wavered at the end of the word, but the vocal played it off by coughing weakly. “Give me the wine if you want me to get through the night without strangling you”

 

While the others laughed at the threat, Hoseok couldn't help but bite his lip as he watched Kihyun fill his cup with the alcoholic beverage. Minhyuk's attention had already shifted from the scene, distracting himself with the new order of food that had just arrived at the table.

Looking around to confirm his suspicions, Hoseok discovered the slight frown forming in Chankgyun's expression in the corner of his eye. Nevertheless, none of the other men seemed to have picked up anything strange in Kihyun's tone or in the way he had cut the conversation short, so the elder just shrugged it off with the guess that the exhausting showcase had left Kihyun a little bit grumpier than usual.

 

 

The rest of the night passed relatively calm. Kihyun felt pretty tired, almost dozing off while they were ordering desserts. Despite the amount of tiramisu he shoved on his mouth, the sugar rush didn't help him the slightest, so he could barely make it until the end of the dinner.

To the boy's apparent relief, the van was already waiting for them after they paid the bill and he only had to walk a few meters to finally plop himself in his seat and close his eyes, falling asleep before the car even started.

 

-

 

Hoseok had sat quietly during the whole ride, playing one of the unuseful but entertaining games Changkyun had downloaded on his phone. Kihyun, who was in the adjacent seat, was softly snoring right next to Hoseok's ear, each puffy breath tickling his neck. While they were stuck in traffic, the boy had started squirming in his sleep, probably because of the bright lights of the vehicles on the road and the constant blaring of the horns that angry drivers impulsively blasted without much thought. Whimpering loudly, the smaller had settled against Hoseok, burying his face on the juncture between the shoulder and neck and proceeding to grab the elder's shirt with his fist, finally sighing contently and drifting back to his previous deep sleep.

The older vocal didn't really mind it, he had spent nights sharing the bed with the boy during their pre-debut days.

 

But Kihyun didn't seem to think the same way, as he didn't lose a second to push Hoseok away when he noticed the position he was in.

“W-what are you doing?” he asked groggily, voice raspy from the nap and eyes slightly puffy.

“I didn't do anything. You are the one who clung to me” Hoseok answered with a sweet laugh, turning off his phone to stare at the boy, who was confusedly rubbing his eyes.

“It was an accident, you know? You can just push me off when these things happen” Kihyun declared, straightening his shirt and repositioning the seatbelt, that had lowered too much for his safety.

“Alright?” Hoseok frowned at the other's choice of words. Kihyun wasn't the one known for being especially fond of skinship but he never reacted that strongly to physical contact. “Not that I really mind, Kihyunnie, you weren't hurting me or anything. Besides, you are adorable” Hoseok risked the comment, expecting a sharp remark from the other at the mention of cuteness.

Kihyun seemed caught off guard for half a second, blinking dumbfounded, until he scoffed harshly.

“Just push me away next time” he ordered, turning his attention to the back of the car, where Jooheon and Changkyun were actively whispering about the following day's performance.

 

Hoseok leaned back on his seat, exhaling a tiny sigh and trying to swallow the small knot that had formed on his throat after the younger's request. It was no secret that he had a soft spot for the younger, fond of the way the boy's presence appeared double as big as his size. He admired the other's vocals and the effort he put on training to the limit, always seeking a little bit more, a little bit better.

That's why he would be lying if he said that Kihyun's words hadn't hurt him, hadn't made his heart clench. He was perfectly used to the younger's cockiness and playful attacks towards the members, that usually were just for fun. But that time, the way the younger had dismissed the conversation by practically disregarding him and the absence of laughter after his serious statement had left Hoseok's chest strangely shallow.  
  
He tried to ignore the unpleasant feeling and instead focused again on the stupid game on his phone, but he couldn't miss the inquisitive look that Changkyun shot him.   
  
-  
  
Hoseok finished brushing his teeth and rinsed the sink a little, knowing Hyungwon and Kihyun complained when the others didn't clean up after themselves. On his way out of the bathroom, he found Changkyun, leaning on the wall with a tired look. It was at that exact moment that Hoseok noticed how the younger had lost most part of the slight baby fat he used to have accumulated on his cheeks, now having much sharper features, accentuated by the piercing on his eyebrow and the little touch of lipstick. 

  
"Can we talk?" The boy asked, gesturing towards the elder's room.   
"Yeah, of course," Hoseok answered, feeling a tingle of nervousness as he entered and closed the door after the maknae. He knew the motive of the conversation and after the car scene, he wasn't exactly eager to talk about Kihyun's rejection.

  
When the two of them were seated on Hoseok's bed, Chankyun broke the silence.  
"What the fuck was that?"  
"I-I don't know, Kyunnie." Hoseok whispered, truthfully. He just wanted to believe that it had been Kihyun's exhaustion the one who had said that and the next day would be different. Besides, it had only been one comment. The best thing would be to not make a big deal of it.  
But Changkyun didn't seem to think the same.  
"And during dinner. He was just... off? I don't know, hyung. He looked weird."  
"Probably just tired, Kyunnie. Or maybe he wasn't feeling good. Hyungwon had a cold last week and he must have caught it. Don't overthink it." Hoseok vocalized his thoughts, teeth sinking on his lower lip. “Tomorrow we'll see”  
Changkyun held his gaze on Hoseok for a few seconds. The elder knew that the maknae wanted to add something else, to discuss the matter further but he had sensed Hoseok's reluctance. With a small sigh, he nodded, standing up from the bed.

“Yeah, probably the tiredness” the rapper agreed. “It has been a long day, we should just let it go”

Hoseok hummed in agreement, placing a hand on the other's shoulder and squeezing lightly.

“Go to sleep, Kyunnie. I will try to talk to him tomorrow if he doesn't say anything else.”

 

A small noise of agreement came from the back of Changkyun's throat and he walked out of the room, uttering a soft 'good night, hyung' before closing the door, leaving Hoseok alone with his thoughts. The elder took a deep breath and turned off the lights, getting under the covers of his bed and attempting his best at forcing his brain to shut up.

 

-

 

The next day started pretty chaotically. Changkyun was already used to the noise and mess that came with living with six other men in a dorm, considering the fact that he was one of the main contributors to the ruckus. But this time, the stress came for an entirely other reason.

 

Kihyun, who was normally the one to wake up first and force Hyungwon and Minhyuk out of their beds, had slept until later than usual. This resulted in three of the members waking up less than ten minutes before the time the van would pick them up, collapsing the bathroom and the kitchen in their effort to avoid being late, breaking a cup and almost running over Jooheon on the process, who was peacefully going over his skincare routine.

One minute past nine, the seven of them were sitting on the van, complaining about their unstyled hair or their puffy faces. Kihyun, who was sporting incredibly deep dark bags under his eyes, had sleepily apologized for his mistake. After hearing the small apology, Changkyun couldn't help but feel horrible inside, realizing the amount of pressure they had been putting on the vocal and how most of their dorm stability revolved around Kihyun's duties.

He stored the information on the back of his mind, deciding to comment on it later. He could ask Hyunwoo to run one of his group meetings and then get the boys to agree on balancing the chores in a different method, to let Kihyun breathe a bit more.

 

Being relatively early on a Sunday morning, the traffic wasn't really heavy, allowing them to arrive at their destination without many inconveniences. When they sat down on their waiting room, the maknae observed Hoseok approaching Kihyun, probably to talk about last night's incident as they had accorded, but Kihyun seemed to notice the move too.

The boy narrowed his eyes and stood in place for a few seconds, making sure Hoseok was really heading in his direction and then crossed the room in the opposite way, brushing past the elder and ignoring the shift in Hoseok's features.

“I'm going to the bathroom. Please tell the makeup noonas I'll be back soon” he announced before leaving the room.

 

“What?” Hyunwoo voiced his confusion at the scene, making Changkyun step in to answer in defense of his hyung.

“I don't know what's wrong with him. He's been like this with Hoseok hyung since yesterday”

“Did something happened between you?” Minhyuk inquired, nose scrunching as he looked back, trying to remember some incident between the two vocals.

“Not that I know of” Hoseok answered, visibly hurt now that he knew that the younger was purposefully disregarding him.

 

Hyunwoo opened his mouth to dig further in the matter, but at that exact moment, the staff entered the room. It was an unspoken rule that at the sight of cameras, all sentimental topics were left aside. They wanted to keep their privacy regarding their personal situations, so they immediately changed the atmosphere, commenting on Minhyuk's messy hair. The boy didn't seem to mind being in the spotlight for a bit, distracting the cameras with light _aegyo_.

 

 

The stylists appeared soon after and Kihyun followed them a few minutes later. He walked across the room and directly positioned himself on his correspondent chair, acknowledging the others only with a tiny head movement before throwing his head back and closing his eyes, allowing the makeup professionals to start their job.

 

-

 

Despite the incident backstage, the broadcast passed relatively smoothly during the first half. They performed their promotion song and answered some of the fans questions. Hyunwoo repeated his unusual choreography for 'Baby Shark' at the MC's request and Jooheon explained once again the reason for which he had decided to stop showing his cute side -that, from Minhyuk's point of view wasn't completely true, as the younger would use every opportunity to puppy-eye his way into anything.

During the advertisement break, while the stylists were touching up their makeup, the boys were informed that in the next part of the program they would be playing some games. That information was already on the script, so none of them were especially surprised.

The inconvenient appeared when two men pushed in a metal clothes rack, filled with colorful costumes. Minhyuk and Jooheon immediately jumped to see the diversity of onesies and strange clothing, laughing at the weirdest ones and betting on which would be theirs.

 

Hoseok, who was changing his contact lenses since they were irritating his eyes, watched Kihyun's body go taut at the sight of his stylist's pick. It was an oversized Gudetama onesie, that would cover his whole body, including the bright yellow hood. The woman left the piece of clothing in front of the boy and left to attend her fellow co-worker, who was having a hard time with Hyungwon's eyeshadow.

“Oh, Kihyunnie! Good pick” Minhyuk joked, gently nudging the smaller. The elder vocal had a colorful hoodie in his arms, along with a synthetic clown wig.

“Too big for you, isn't it?” Jooheon joined the mocking, directing a grin towards Kihyun. The members knew how much the vocal adored the yellow character if the huge collection of Gudetama

articles the boy hoarded in his room was anything to go by.

But instead of continuing the joke and taking his turn to criticize the others' outfits, Kihyun pushed the onesie away with a look of pure disgust on his face.

 

“Shut up, guys. I don't have time for this” he muttered, clenching his teeth. Minhyuk raised his eyebrows at the comment, clearly not expecting Kihyun to lash out on him.

“Hey, treat your hyung with respect.” he complained, throwing the cloth back to Kihyun “Besides, don't act as if you have much of a choice in here. We have to put our outfits on before the recording starts again.”

“'M not gonna do that. That's for kids. And I don't wanna play that childish game of... What was it even called? It's so stupid” The grumbles from the younger were heard by Hyunwoo, who had had enough of Kihyun's attitude for the day.

 

“Oh my God, Kihyun, seriously?” the eldest stepped in the conversation, the stern tone making the youngers stiffen up. “C' mon. There's no time for your complaints now”

“No, hyung. It's the most ridiculous game I've ever seen” Kihyun insisted, tone almost petulant. The confrontation had caught Hoseok's attention, who peeked from behind to understand the situation. Kihyun was sulking like a three-year-old, arms crossed in his chest and eyes narrowed to glare at the eldest. Hyunwoo left no room for discussion, using his authority as the leader- which he normally never abused-, ordering Kihyun to put his costume on.

 

The moment Kihyun stomped his foot on the floor, something clicked in Hoseok's mind, like the last piece of a jigsaw that had been building itself over the last days. He had been so stupid for not realizing earlier, but the signals had been so confusing that he hadn't been able to adequately understand them.

 

-

 

After showering and changing into a fresh pair of clothes, Hoseok decided to prepare himself a hot coffee before confronting Kihyun with his doubts.

The younger had finally gathered himself together and had obeyed the leader, plastering a smile in his face for the rest of the broadcast and playing the whole repertory of games without any protests. He hadn't uttered a word in the ride home and had locked himself in his room without even wiping his make up off, a sinful occurrence in Kihyun's neat and strict skincare routine.

 

“What do you want?” Kihyun sighed from the other side of the door, not even opening it to greet his hyung.

“To talk to you, Kihyun.”

“Go away” It was the other's only answer. Hoseok took a deep breath, trying to keep calm and not lash out at the other, which would only be worse. But he couldn't avoid feeling his blood boil a little at the blatant disrespectful attitude that the other was showing towards his persona.

“Kihyun. We have two options here. Either you open the door and we talk like civilized people or I fetch Hyunwoo, we force the door open and then call a group meeting. Your choice.”

 

There was a minute of silence in which Hoseok hesitated, wondering if he had used the correct words and the right way of addressing the issue, or if he had just made Kihyun shut himself even more. He usually wasn't the one to get angry, but the rudeness of the younger made him feel rejected and extremely disrespected, considering their close friendship.

But then, he heard the distinctive _click_ of the lock and the door opened.

 

Kihyun didn't even spare him a look as he entered, but the older decided to not take things too personally at that point.

“Sit here with me, please” Hoseok requested, patting the space next to him in the double bed. Kihyun begrudgingly obeyed, not without keeping space between his hyung and him. “I'll be brief so we can end with this quickly. I've seen you acting weird over the last days. Well, we all have noticed. I'm gonna ask you a question and I want you to be honest with me, alright?”

Kihyun didn't make any movement to speak nor to agree with Hoseok's words, so the man kept going, taking a deep breath and steeling himself for the bomb he was about to drop.

 

“Are you, by any means, needing to slip in little space, Kihyun?”

 

There were a few beats of quietness, where the silence stretched through the seconds and the tension was palpable, weighing down the two boys. Finally, when Hoseok's heart had started thumping way too fast and his hands were threatening to tremble, Kihyun reacted.

“I don't do that anymore, hyung. And you know it” Kihyun answered, jaw tensing and gaze drifting to the floor, visibly troubled by the question.

“I'm aware of that, Kihyunnie. I was just asking to see if there was some way I could help you. We hate to see you upset. It was the thing that came to my mind and I simply wanted to confirm it, not to offend you.”

 

The same dreadful silence enveloped the room once again, setting Hoseok's nerves on the edge. In the end, when the older seriously believed he wasn't getting a response from Kihyun, the boy exploded.

“Don't fucking call me 'Kihyunnie'. Why do you always have to be like this? You know what... what _that thing_ meant to me in the past but-but you can't come here and act as you know all about me!! You really have no idea, hyung. So why don't you go out and mind your own business? Nobody asked you to be here!! Stop acting like you were some kind of-of fucking... Get the fuck out. Nobody wants you meddling in their lives!”

 

Hoseok stayed frozen for what seemed an eternity, letting Kihyun's words sink in. The boy's face was red from the shouting and his fists had curled up in rage, knuckles white from the strength he was applying. He fell on the bed, chest heaving from the outburst and curled into a ball, letting a sob rack through his body.

 

Hoseok didn't stay long to find out if the boy had truly started to cry, holding his own tears back as he rushed to his room, closing the door behind him and burying himself under the covers, heart aching with the vicious words that had been unfairly shot at him.

 

 


	2. hurt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> things don't seem to get better

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i promise this is going to have a happy ending :(
> 
> warning: foul language
> 
> ps: not edited yet

The following day, Hoseok woke up with dried tear tracks across his red cheeks. He took his time to get up, checking the comments of his last updated to photo to cheer himself up with the kind words from the fans.

It didn't work the slightest bit, because when he finally gathered enough courage to head to the kitchen for some breakfast, he found himself wishing that Kihyun wouldn't be there, unable to forget the horrible accusations from the night before.

 

He made himself some cereal and decided to spoil himself by pouring half of the chocolate milk bottle on his bowl, momentarily forgetting about his bodybuilding diet. As soon as he fell limp on the kitchen chair, Minhyuk, Changkyun, and Hyunwoo entered the room, almost as they had planned the scenario. They all greeted Hoseok, who responded weakly to their sweet 'good mornings'.

 

“Can we talk?” Changkyun inquired and Hoseok suppressed a shiver, recalling the same words he had used the night before.

“Y-yeah” he agreed, straightening a little his posture.

“We heard Kihyun screaming last night.” the leader confessed “We didn't intervene because we thought it was something between you too, but that was wrong of us. Kihyun's behavior affects us as a whole group and you don't have to undergo this alone. We would like to chat about it, if you are open for it” The tone Hyunwoo used was almost robotic, avoiding to introduce his feelings in such a serious conversation, in which he needed to be as impartial as possible. But Hoseok nodded almost automatically, too overwhelmed by his emotions to deny such an important factor as communication. He hoped that by joining their points of view, they could come with a solution that helped all of them and made that dark hole in his chest disappear.

 

They hadn't had a fight that big since their debut days, years ago, apart from the occasional bickering and some minor disagreements. All the members tried their best at keeping a balance in the dorm for the sake of the group, attempting to be flexible and tolerant. That was probably the reason why Hoseok felt so lost after his confrontation with Kihyun, as if someone had punched him in his chest hard enough to bruise.

 

“We argued” Hoseok started, trying to keep his voice stable through the explanation. “I was just going to ask him a question but I think it was too personal, so he blew up. He... he said some ugly things and” he took a deep breath, feeling a hand - Changkyun- squeeze his shoulder “and well, it... it hurt”

Hyunwoo hummed in acknowledgment, directing the younger a sad smile.

“Whatever it was, I'm sure he didn't mean those things, Hoseok. He was overwhelmed and you caught him in the outburst and it's not your fault, but I don't think we can blame him without knowing his version of the situation. We will try to figure this out, alright? But we need to be together”

“Alright” Hoseok agreed, exhaling shakily. He already knew that Kihyun had said those words on the heat of the moment, but they still hurt even if he tried to convince himself that they weren't true.

“Can you tell us your view in the matter, so we can share our perspectives and maybe find a way out of this?” Changkyun carefully proposed, earning a proud nod from Hyunwoo.

Hoseok really appreciated the other boys' precaution and awareness while treating with the topic, so he racked his brain to compile all the evidence that had let to his final hypothesis.

“Okay” he sighed “I'll try to start from the beginning”

 

-

 

Once the second oldest had explained Kihyun's strange petition in the car, the way he had tensed at being called baby and his refusal to put the childish onesie on, Minhyuk saw everything quite clear. Hoseok's thought about Little space had been coherent and well evidenced and Kihyun's reaction at the mention of his headspace only strengthened the theory.

 

It wasn't a secret that Kihyun had struggled with some problems during their first months as a boy band. Jooheon had discovered him sleeping with a pacifier under the covers two months after they had moved together.

'It's to prevent my teeth grinding while I sleep' the boy had argumented. Nobody had truly commented anything else apart from some quiet remarks at the smaller's cuteness. That's why, as time passed, Kihyun finally opened to them about his headspace as a way of coping with pressure and stress. At first, it had been quite difficult to picture, considering the attitude and the presence the boy held, but none of them opposed, as it was Kihyun's healthy method of keeping himself calm in between their crazy schedules as rookies.

They hadn't had much contact with the Little version of Kihyun- limited to when he asked for food or fell asleep on the couch-, as the vocal preferred to keep that side of him in private and only slipped when they weren't around.

 

As the band had grown bigger and more known in the industry, Kihyun had gradually left his Little headspace behind and the others had seen it as nothing but a normal transition, in which Kihyun had learned to deal with his stress in a more implicit way.

But after the younger's behavior the days prior, Minhyuk doubted that his Little space was something forgotten for Kihyun.

 

 

After Hoseok's explanation, Changkyun suddenly remembered how he had found Kihyun sleeping under his bed, literally under the wooden bedstead a week ago, clutching his pillow close; and Hyunwoo made a comment about how Kihyun seemed to choose an excessive quantity of junk food lately, filling his meals with french fries and cheese sticks.

 

They finally arrived at the conclusion that confronting Kihyun with what appeared to be such a sensitive topic for him all at the same time would scare the boy off, so they agreed to leave the matter to Minhyuk, who was an expert on approaching the boy with his playful, jovial manners. If that didn't work, they would set a group meeting, no more question asked.

 

-

 

Minhyuk waited a few hours until he decided to put his plan in action, giving Kihyun enough time to come back from his vocal lessons and relax for a bit. The boy was clearly either still angry or embarrassed about last night's outburst since he hadn't shown up in the kitchen for lunch.

That's why Minhyuk stood up in front of the boy's door for a few minutes, outlining his plan once again to make sure it was perfect. He wanted to approach the boy casually and take him out somewhere serene - he had reserved a table on one of Kihyun's favorite cafés, where he could speak with him without risking to be interrupted by another member. He trusted that Kihyun would open up to him at least about his argument with Hoseok, so the elder would be able to get the two different sides of the story.

 

Despite Kihyun's awful words and his disrespect towards the older members, Minhyuk knew that it was nothing more than a facade, a defensive reaction that was hiding something deeper behind. Kihyun pushed them away because he believed they weren't ready to see the vulnerable, raw part of him.

From Minhyuk's perspective, that reasoning was absolutely nonsense. Kihyun had stood with Hoseok when he had rejected the opportunity to be the leader of the group because it would be too straining for his mental health, and he had consequently supported Hyunwoo in his leadership. He had spent countless hours in the studio with Hyungwon, helping him with his vocals when the boy thought he wasn't enough for the group. He had defended Minhyuk when the industry had labeled him as 'nothing more than a visual' and had fought for Jooheon when the media had done the opposite, rejecting his looks. He had been nothing but sweet with their maknae, who had arrived relatively late to the group and had felt terribly lonely. So, why would he think the others would even contemplate rejecting him for who he was after he had poured his whole soul on them?

 

 

With that reasoning in mind, Minhyuk knocked on the wooden door, taking a few steps back and mentally prepared for every possible situation.

 

For every possible situation except the one he encountered.

 

When nobody answered his knocks, he determined that he could take the privilege of entering the room without permission. To his surprise, the chamber was empty, not a sight of Kihyun anywhere.

 

Minhyuk blinked a few times, scanning the room carefully as he tried to recall if someone had mentioned Kihyun leaving the dorm. It was impossible, the boy had remained inside those four walls for the whole afternoon.

 

He considered peeking in the adjacent bathroom, in case he had missed the boy going to take a shower or use the toilet, but a tiny, almost inaudible sniffle stopped him. It was followed by a hiccup and some shuffling as if somebody was moving in an enclosed space.

“Kihyun?” he whispered, not wanting to raise his voice in case he stopped hearing the faint cries. The sobs continued, so Minhyuk crouched down, looking in every possible nook of the room in case he detected Kihyun's silhouette. He was a full sized adult, there was no way he could have vanished into thin air in a six square meter chamber. “Kihyun?”

At the sound of his name, the boy went dead quiet again, but luckily, Minhyuk had already discovered the location of the vocal's hideaway.

 

He tiptoed to the closet, from where the hiccups had been coming, not even daring to breathe in case he heard Kihyun once again.

“Kihyun, it's Minhyuk here. I'm gonna open the closet now, okay? There's nobody else here, it's just me, Ki” the boy announced, grabbing the small knock of the door, adding the last part to reassure Kihyun that he was there to help, not to hurt him further.

 

The small boy was curled up in a ball in the lower part of the closet, on the secluded space where there weren't any shelves. It was a tight fit, but somehow Kihyun had managed to shove his whole figure in the minute area. There were clothes all around him, some crumbling under his body and others covering him, burying him under the fabric.

“What are you doing here, Ki? Are you-” Minhyuk's words stopped when Kihyun's gaze locked with his. The younger's eyes were filled with unshed tears, brimming with apprehension, almost brushing fear. There was a grey pacifier on Kihyun's lips, bobbing up and down frantically as the boy whimpered loudly. Minhyuk's mouth gaped a few times, having lost all vocal capacity.

 

The realization hit Minhyuk like a brick, cursing himself for not having noticed the signals before. Why on Earth had he thought Kihyun would have shut himself in a freaking closet if he was in his usual mindset?

In his situation, he wasn't quick enough to react, as Kihyun apparently sensed the hesitation in him and let out a pained cry, squirming to shy away from the elder's presence.

“No, no” Minhyuk tried to fix his mistake, softening his voice. “I'm here, I'm hyung, Kihyun.”

 

The words only worsened the situation, because Kihyun let out a sob, covering his face with his arms. Minhyuk wanted nothing else than to pull the boy out of his enclosed prison onto his arms and hold him tight, reassuring him that there was nothing to hide, nothing to be afraid of. But he didn't dare to touch the boy, fearing it would make Kihyun feel violented.

 

“Hey, buddy. Come out of here, huh?” he tried again, changing his tone completely as if he was talking to a child. Kihyun didn't move a hair, continuing his cries. “Kihyunnie, hyung will give you some chocolate buttons if you come out of the closet, buddy. Aren't you uncomfortable there?”

The response was a few whines, sounding like a puppy who had just been kicked and Minhyuk's heart clenched on his heavy chest.

“Uhm... Okay, yeah” Minhyuk gnawed on his bottom lip, mind functioning full speed to find a way of convincing the smaller to trust him. He was completely lost about the way he supposed to approach Little Kihyun with “Is there something I can do for you, Kihyun? Please, I need you to tell me.”

 

Minhyuk blinked back the tears when Kihyun didn't even lift his head at the words, staying completely still in his space, cries slightly muffled by the pacifier.

“I-I will go look for Hoseok and Hyunwoo hyung. Just stay here. Hang in there, Kihyun, alright? Hang in there” he finally decided, rushing out of the room to find the other two. He was sure they would be able to coax Kihyun out of the closet and maybe even comfort him enough for the boy to realize that he was safe. It shattered his heart to abandon the boy in his current state, but Minhyuk didn't feel strong enough to face the situation by himself and Kihyun didn't seem to trust him enough to expose his younger headspace to him yet.

 

 

The third oldest found the men in the living room, completely submerged on their computers. He breathlessly summarized the situation, holding his tears on bay. The three ran back to Kihyun's room, completely forgetting about their previous differences now that the younger was openly hurting and in such a fragile headspace.

None of them were experts on the regression area apart from what Kihyun had taught them, but it was obvious that it meant something really personal, really intimate to the boy.

 

Hoseok twisted the knob of the bedroom door, already calling for Kihyun. The wood didn't budge a millimeter, causing the muscular man to slam on it, full force. Luckily, Hoseok didn't seem to be hurt by the impact and kept forcing the metal knob, pushing the door with his other hand and banging it frantically before he turned to Hyunwoo, eyes wide.

“It's closed. It's closed. He has locked himself” he stated, eliciting a frustrated groan from the leader. Minhyuk took a few steps backward, the guilt eating him inside.

But Hyunwoo didn't have time for regrets, so he grabbed Minhyuk by the arm, carefully to not harm him, just to ground him.

“Minhyuk, go get the screwdriver. It's in the kitchen's cabinet, on the toolbox.” he ordered, sending the younger off with a pat on the back. Then he turned to Hoseok, gesturing to get his nerves under control.

 

“Kihyun? Are you okay?” he tried, expecting to hear a cry or a whimper, considering the state in which the boy was. But not a sound could be heard and Hyunwoo's heart rate spiked, mind flying to the worst possible scenarios behind that closed door. He shut his eyes for a second, attempting to recover his sanity and wishing with all his might that Minhyuk would hurry to bring the screwdriver. “Kihyun, do you hear me? I need to know you are okay, please” he repeated, taking a deep breath to mask the agitation in his voice.

“Kihyun, please” Hoseok echoed behind him, tears already streaming down his face. Hyunwoo could hear the apprehension in his voice, the culpability he was probably undergoing at the moment.

Once again, only the silence answered.

 

-

 

They finally forced the door open within a few minutes of vain tries. Minhyuk felt like he was going to throw up from the anxiety and Hoseok didn't look any better, face impossibly pale while he helped Hyunwoo with the tools, silent tears making their way down his cheeks.

 

Contrary to their expectations, Kihyun was sitting on the edge of the bed, hunched down with his face on his hands, not even sparing them a look as the three of them rushed inside the room.

 

“Oh God, Kihyun” Hoseok breathed in pure relief, holding in the doorframe to stabilize his wobbly legs, that were about to give up in any second.

 

“Why are you doing this?” Kihyun asked after staring at them for a few seconds, voice rough from all the crying. When he noticed Hoseok's horrified features, he lowered his gaze to the floor and furiously wiped a lone tear that had managed to escape. “Go away, please. I need to be alone”

“Ki-” Minhyuk tried, extending his hand towards the boy, half apologizing, half reaching out for him.

“Don't you understand?” Kihyun accused them “Why are you forcing this stupid problem on me? When will you understand that you are constantly shoving yourselves in every inch of my life? Can't you leave me alone?”

 

“I... w-well... we-” Hoseok seemed confused, unable to properly form a sentence at the other's sudden question, his mind converted to sand after the heart-wrenching anxiety he had endured the last minutes. “We aren't... We didn't mean to-”

“We are not forcing anything on you, Kihyun” Hyunwoo, carrying the whole weight of the group on his shoulder, felt the need to step in to clear the misunderstanding. His tone was bordering anger, unable to understand why would Kihyun treat Hoseok and Minhyuk that horribly after they had wanted nothing but to lend a helping hand “It was never our intention to do so. But Hoseok was worried about you, we all are. And I don't think burying yourself in a closet is a usual thing you do, Kihyun, so please stop pretending everything is alright. We won't push you, and we will respect if it's something you don't want to share with us. But right, now it's a situation that also affects us, so you can't ask us to step out of it..”

 

Hoseok swore he could detect a glimpse of relief on the smaller, a tiny sparkle of hope lighting up in the boy's eyes at Hyunwoo's words and he exhaled, feeling the pressure leave from his whole body. But it had all been a mere illusion.

 

“You can't understand it. You can't.” Kihyun scowled, getting up from his bed in pure anger, lashing out on the three older men. “Get the fuck out of my room. Get the fuck out of my room or I'm leaving”

 


	3. catastrophe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> trying doesn't always mean succeeding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the angst is coming to a climax? i swear i love kihyun so much, i am making his character suffer a lot :(
> 
> warnings: foul language

After the boy's threat, things slowly returned to normal, as if the balance in the dorms had been recovered. Except for the fact that Kihyun constantly seemed one second away from collapsing. The situation had gotten progressively worst, starting with eye bags that grew deeper and deeper and his sunken eyes, to the way the boy's cheeks had hollowed and his hair had thinned, leaving him with the aspect of a zombie from a low-budget film.

 

The three elder members were walking on eggshells around him, alert and cautious. They didn't want to mess up the situation even more after being rejected so harshly from Kihyun's part. They had called the boy's brother, but he had just dismissed them, argumenting that every man had a period of reflection on himself.

But they weren't going to let Kihyun consume himself in front of their eyes and it was crystal clear that the young vocal had no control over his situation. Because they had heard his cries; at dawn, muffled by his pillow, when he thought nobody else could hear him. But they all did, the walls were too thin to quieten the distressed sobs.

Changkyun had ventured more than once inside the boy's room, to offer him comfort, but had been so violently spurned that nobody had dared to interrupt anymore. They just ignored the sounds until the boy cried himself to sleep.

 

Hoseok felt incredibly guilty every time, to the point where he made himself physically sick from worrying so much. Hyunwoo had started to question his ability as the leader, watching how one of his dongsaengs crumpled down in front of him and he wasn't able to find a way to help. Minhyuk had lost his usual enthusiasm now that his best friend wasn't there to fool around with him.

The rides on the van were quiet and the dinners weren't together anymore, but at least there hadn't been any emotional outburst and Hyunwoo was genuinely expecting that time would help heal the wounds and cracks that had formed in their group dynamic.

 

But it didn't.

 

A week after the last argument, the manager had called them for a reunion. They had tried to hide their exhaustion and dissimulate the increasing tension between them, but it was impossible. The businessman had informed them that the group wasn't progressing as fast as they had expected with the upcoming comeback, so the company had decided to extend their dance practices and their vocal lessons.

After the announcement, Kihyun had cracked up, a high-pitched, mocking laugh coming out of his mouth as he shook his head in disbelief. The manager had ignored the blatant action of disrespect and had notified that their new schedules would be starting that same day.

 

–

 

Minhyuk inhaled slowly, listening to his heart pounding in his chest. His lungs were on fire and every breath sent a punch of pain up his airways. He was covered in sweat, a literal layer of transpiration over his whole body, making his fringe stick to his forehead and poke his eyes.

“Again?” he asked after gathering enough air to vocalize the word, ignoring the throb of his legs as he walked to the computer.

“Wait” Kihyun answered, laying supine on the floor while he attempted to control his ragged breath “Wait, please. I can't”

 

In any normal situation, Minhyuk wouldn't have been fazed by the younger's complain, simply pushing the play button again and forcing Kihyun to start the choreography again. But it was the first time Kihyun had directed a word at him during the whole hour they had been practising, so Minhyuk couldn't just let that pass.

“Okay, let's take a short break” he agreed, turning around and plopping himself on the chair with a sigh. The silence stretched through the seconds and Minhyuk was about to criticize the new schedule or comment something on the weather when Kihyun's string of voice reached him.

“Hyung?”

“Yeah?” Minhyuk hummed, feeling his heart speeding up again. The past few days Kihyun had barely spoken if it wasn't strictly necessary and most of the time his tone had been lifeless. However, the honorific had been voiced with hesitance, with shyness even, so Minhyuk couldn't help but feel a bit expectant.

“Does Hoseok hyung hate me?” the question came out of the blue, stunning Minhyuk for a few seconds. He stuttered a negative, way too confused to form a proper sentence while Kihyun continued “Why wouldn't he, huh? I'm an idiot”

 

Minhyuk took a sharp intake of air, biting his upper lip to avoid making any sound in hopes that Kihyun finally confessed the issue that was wrecking him. But after a beat of silence, Kihyun broke in tears. The older, clueless of what to do, crawled through the floor until he situated himself next to the weeping boy, placing a hand on his knee and steeling himself for the upcoming rejection.

But it never came, so Minhyuk stayed there, rubbing slow circles with his hand in Kihyun's thigh, letting him sob because he didn't want to break that little trust Kihyun had handed him.

“I'm so sorry, I don't wanna do this to you. Please, I don't want to” the younger sobbed without talking to anyone in particular, but Minhyuk suspected it wasn't directed to him. The babbled apologies kept going, shifting to almost unintelligible mumbles until Minhyuk shushed the boy, gently squeezing his knee.

 

“H-hyung” Kihyun hiccuped, balling his hands into fists and rubbing them in his wet eyes.

“Yeah, I'm here” Minhyuk assured softly, analyzing the smaller's reactions to make sure he didn't mess up like the previous time. Kihyun had finally stopped sobbing, seeming much more composed than before, but in a different way. His shoulders weren't tensed and his eyes weren't narrowed in caution, as they had been for the past days.

“Need 'o wor'” Kihyun reminded him, pointing at the computer with a sniffle. His choice of actions- pointing at things, wiping his eyes tears with his fists and sniffling softly- confirmed to Minhyuk that the boy had started to slip. It wasn't such a surprise since the elder had seen him in headspace barely a week ago, but the situation was quite different. Now Kihyun seemed receptive and willing to communicate with him, and Minhyuk wouldn't let the opportunity pass.

 

“Yeah, we do. But not right now, alright? We can take a rest for a moment.”

“'m not 'ired, hyung. We need 'o wo'k” Kihyun stubbornly insisted, frowning while he stood up. Minhyuk quickly knew that the smaller had finally dropped and probably didn't have much control over his headspace since the boy's frown was a proof of his effort of attempting to push himself back into adult mindset.

“Oh, but hyung is tired, though. Wouldn't you like to get some snacks while hyung rests a bit?” he tried to coax the boy and the younger's red-rimmed eyes shifted into a curious look. He smiled gently, pointing at the bag that Hoseok had left behind, full of unhealthy foods like crisps and sugary drinks. He knew it probably wasn't the best and adult Kihyun would slash his throat when he realized that he had fed him strawberry milk and honey chips for dinner, but his only consideration at the moment was to make the Little side of the younger feel comfortable with him. He didn't want to repeat the sobbing fit from before and he certainly believed he was making some progress with Kihyun after the last weeks' problems. He never wanted to feel as helpless and impotent as the day he found Kihyun locked in the closet again.

“'nacks?” the smaller echoed, tilting his head to the side. Minhyuk could tell the boy was hungry; he didn't remember the last time he had seen eat a proper meal. And a bag of oily chips wasn't exactly what Minhyuk would call a healthy meal, but at least it would put some calories inside the boy's body. “Yeah, I want 'nacks” Kihyun finally decided, approaching the plastic bag and proceeding to dump the contents on the floor.

He rummaged through the packages until he found a chocolate bar, kicking the other contents aside and plopping down to the floor.

 

“Kihyun, be careful with those” Minhyuk softly corrected after seeing the boy's way of pushing the remaining snacks aside. “They are Hoseok's, let's be nice to other people's things, huh?”

Minhyuk regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth, as Kihyun's puffy eyes filled with tears again and he let the bar fall to the floor.

“Oh, no, no Kihyun. I'm sorry” Minhyuk immediately apologized, cursing internally. “Hyung is sorry, okay? Let's open the snacks and I'll serve you some strawberry milk, alright?”

Kihyun sniffled, a few tears rolling down his cheeks but didn't respond Minhyuk.

“Would you like Hoseok hyung to come? Is that what to want?” the elder tried, not wanting the boy to cry again now that the situation had cooled down. The horrified look that Kihyun gave him was enough to answer to his question, but Kihyun paired it with a high-pitched negative, followed by a violent outburst that had him kicking his legs forward in anger.

 

“Alright,good, alright, hyung understands. Here, eat your bar” Minhyuk handed him the food, making the incoming fit magically cease.

“No!! Not like this, hyung. Open it pro'erly!” Kihyun protested when he noticed that Minhyuk had accidentally broken the bar in his attempt to open the package and now it was parted into irregular pieces.

“Ki, it's open. It broke on accident, but you can still eat it with your hands. Here, I'll give you a napkin.” Minhyuk handed him the chocolate, reaching for the tissues inside the bag.

“I don't want it! No!! I don't want it!!” Kihyun screamed, pushing it the bar away. Minhyuk stepped back blinking in surprise, watching the tantrum unfold in front of him. Kihyun's screaming turned into wails and he was literally squirming on the floor in frustration.

“You are stupid! You are not my hyung, I hate you!” he spat, throwing a kick towards Minhyuk, who managed to dodge it just in time. Feeling overpowered by the boy's mood swings, the elder simply sat on the floor, letting Kihyun shout and trash as much as he wanted.

 

The tantrum passed rather fast and Minhyuk grabbed another chocolate bar, meticulously ragging the envelope to avoid breaking it. Kihyun observed him while he hiccuped, brushing the snot with his sleeves and scratching his cheeks in exasperation to get rid of the tears.

When Minhyuk finally handed him the snacks, a sob of relief wracked through Kihyun's body.

“Thank 'u, hyung. S-sorry” the smaller apologized, grabbing the bar with both hands and taking a small bite of it. Minhyuk guessed it would taste salty because of the tears, but the boy didn't appear to mind.

 

As Kihyun enjoyed his chocolate bar, Minhyuk popped a straw on a bottle of milk and handed it to the younger, risking to ruffle his hair as a friendly gesture, to show that he wasn't angry, as the boy hadn't made a sound since he had recovered from his two-minute fit.

“Let's watch a video, would you like that? An episode of My Hero Academia? Hyung loves that anime” He proposed, scooping his phone from his back pocket and typing the password as he waited for the younger's response. He interpreted the tiny shrug he received as a yes, so he looked for a random episode that Kihyun hadn't already watched and placed the device in the younger's lap, scooting closer to the boy to see the screen properly.

 

“No!” Kihyun cried out, reaching for the phone “Not this epis-...” he seemed to realize that he was screaming again and he clamped his mouth shut, letting a grunt of frustration slip through his gritted teeth. Minhyuk observed the contrary emotions going through Kihyun's mind, as he could read the boy's expressions perfectly. If Kihyun had been in his usual mindset Minhyuk would have definitely scolded or nagged at him for his rude attitude, but now he simply waited, unsure of how to act while the boy was Little, or in whatever space he was in at the moment.

“I don't want this episode” Kihyun finally said, voice much lower and controlled. Less childish, Minhyuk realized.

 

“Alright, which one then? From season two?” Minhyuk asked, pressing the return button to choose another video. He heard Kihyun shift and raised his gaze to look at the younger, mouth dropping open when he saw him get up, knocking over his strawberry milk bottle, and rush to the door.

“Hey! Where are you going?” Minhyuk asked, leaving the phone on the floor and chasing the smaller, who sped up at the sound of his hyung's voice. “Kihyun!”

He cursed under his breath when he viewed the elevator door closing, Kihyun frantically pushing the buttons as if he was attempting an escape mission.

“Yoo Kihyun! Please, wait!” Minhyuk tried one last time, raising his hand to catch the younger's attention, an effort which was deliberately ignored by the other.

“I'm sorry” was the last thing the elder heard before the elevator's doors shut, leaving him with a spilled bottle of milk, an episode of My Hero Academia playing in the background and a bewildered heart, who didn't understand what had done wrong.

 

\--

 

Minhyuk arrived at the dorm an hour later, feeling completely drained of all energy. He rang the doorbell, too tired to look for the keys, and lowered the bag he was carrying, all of his muscles aching. He had stayed in the practice room for a while, cleaning up the remains of food and organizing his thoughts. He was still confused about the time he has spent with Little Kihyun and was still trying to decipher the boy's alerted reactions and constant tears.

But he felt that, now, after that moment of closure, communicating with Kihyun would be much easier once he knocked down the boy's initial barrier of denial.

 

Jooheon opened the door, snapping Minhyuk out of his daze and immediately helping him with the gym bag. Minhyuk uttered a small 'thank you' and walked inside, greeting Changkyun and Hoseok who were on the couch, watching some stupid show on TV. He could hear Hyungwon's laugh from the kitchen, so he guessed the boys were having a late dinner.

“Is Kihyun here?” he inquired, wanting to sort out things with the younger before going to bed. He was aware that despite the protests of his body begging him to rest, his brain wouldn't shut up if he didn't fix the situation with Kihyun.

“Ki? I thought he was with you” Changkyun answered, stirring from his laying position and sitting up, eyeing Minhyuk in confusion. “Didn't you have practice?”

“Well, yeah, we did, but he left early... He didn't come home?”

“Not that I know. We would have heard him entering if he had come before you” the maknae explained, starting to understand the problem “Did something happen between you two?”

 

Minhyuk bit his lip, wrecking his brain in hopes to phrase the sentence correctly, but Hoseok interrupted him, turning off the TV and completely shifting his attention to the younger boys when he heard the last sentence.

“Wait, what happened?”

“Uhm... Well, I think Kihyun slipped? No, it shouldn't be a question. He did slip. But it was very weird, he wouldn't stop crying and he seemed very… very off. I tried to get him to eat a bit and then played anime on my phone to keep him entertained but... he left. I thought he had probably returned here. I had to stay to clean up the practice room.”

 

There were a few seconds of silence and Minhyuk couldn't help but fidget.

“Let me get this right. He slipped and then just vanished?” questioned Changkyun, raising his eyebrows in shock.

“Y-yeah. But I thought he was coming back here...” Minhyuk stammered, scratching the back of his head in shame. He had supposed that the boy would head to the dorms, shutting himself in his room as he had always done for the previous days.

“You thought? Why didn't you call us, Minhyuk, for God's sake!” Hoseok admonished, the accusation full force placating Minhyuk. The young vocal couldn't do anything but gnaw on his lip, wondering where had things started to go so wrong. “He-... He could be in danger! Don't you understand? It's fucking dangerous, Minhyuk!”

At Hoseok's shout, the soft hyung who couldn't bear raising his voice at his dongsaengs, Minhyuk finally snapped.

“What the hell, hyung. Why is everything my fault suddenly? Do I need to remember you that it was  _ you _ who started all of this? If you had worried about your goddamn business, none of this would have happened! So don't come blaming me for your mistakes!”

 

Not even a second after Minhyuk's words, Hoseok's face crumpled and all of his anger dissipated, being replaced by a look of absolute devastation.

“I-” Minhyuk rectified, aware that it was too late. Hoseok's gaze cast down to the floor, making the other's stomach churn up with the guilt.

Right before Minhyuk could apologize, Hyungwon stepped between them, his handsome features twisted into a face of pure disgust.

 

“Don't you fucking realize, guys? We don't have time for your bullshit. If he is not in the practice room and he is not here, it means he is missing. Kihyun is missing, guys. We need to look for him. Now”


	4. reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> balance is finally found

The following morning, Hyungwon managed to find Kihyun in a nearby café, the one where they used to have breakfast at before debuting as a boy. He greeted the owner with a bow, a kind, old lady who had been nothing but sweet to the seven boys. She had taken quite a special liking to Kihyun, always repeating how much he reminded him of his son, so Hyungwon wasn't really surprised when the lady informed him that the boy had spent the night in the local.

The woman's apartment was right above her cafeteria, so she nicely guided him through the stairs behind the local, explaining that Kihyun had shown up right when she was closing the café. He was crying and looked so lost, so she had invited him to her house, preparing some hot chocolate and serving him some dinner. After that, the boy had fallen asleep in the sofa, so she hadn't had the heart to wake him up and send him home, so she had thrown a blanket over him and had allowed him to rest in her living room.  
Hyungwon couldn't figure out anything else to do than bow in gratitude at the woman's explication, not wanting to imagine what would have happened if the kind lady hadn't sheltered the boy for the night.  
“He is still sleeping. I left him some breakfast ready on the kitchen, just in case he woke up hungry. May I ask what happened with him?” the woman politely inquired, twisting the key in the door and inviting Hyungwon in.  
“An argument with the members. He ran off after it and we couldn't find him anywhere. Thank you so much for taking him in for the night.”  
“It's no problem. He seemed very emotional, so I was worried,” she admitted, taking her shoes off before Hyunwon did the same. “He's here. I suppose you want to take him home, but you can stay to eat something if you'd like” she offered, leading him towards the small living room, where Kihyun was buried under a thick blanket.  
“Thank you for the offer, but I'll take him home. The other members must be worried” Hyungwon explained, knowing that only a text- that he had sent as soon as he found Kihyun's location- wouldn't placate Hoseok's anxiety or Jooheon and Minhyuk's non-stopping tears.

The lady moved away to the kitchen to have some privacy while Hyungwon helped Kihyun to get up. The younger walked to the couch and stared at his hyung's relaxed features for a while, understanding why the woman hadn't been able to wake him from his slumber. He looked so calm, so comfortable that it hurt Hyungwon to take that away from him, even if it was an opportunity of revenge for all the times Kihyun had hit him with Shownu's bamboo pillow to get him moving in the morning.  
“Hyung” he uttered softly, gently shaking his shoulder. Kihyun blinked a few times, sleepily yawning while Hyungwon crouched down next to him, hoping the boy wouldn't be too bothered by his presence.

It took a moment for Kihyun to recall the past events and groan at the unfamiliar surroundings, turning around in bed.  
“Fuck” he muttered raspily, stretching himself “What time is it?”  
“Uhm, wait... 11:23 am.” Hyungwon answered, checking his phone to see the exact time. Kihyun gasped, sitting up immediately in shock “We don't have schedule until 4 pm though, Hyunwoo canceled your vocal lesson. If the manager asks, your throat is killing you” Hyungwon explained, effectively calming down Kihyun, who had looked on the verge of a heart attack for a few seconds “Put your socks on, we need to go”

Kihyun stared at the younger in disbelief for a few seconds before letting a small chuckle fall from his lips.  
“Go where? I'm not coming back to the dorm”  
“Kihyun, c'mon. We need to go”  
“I am not going, don't you understand?”  
Hyungwon sighed softly, already expecting that negative. He had guessed that, after running away, Kihyun wouldn't simply accept coming back to the dorm without putting up a fight. That's why Hyungwon sat next to him on the sofa, grabbing the boy's socks from the floor and placing them in his lap.  
“Either you put them on or I'll do it.” he threatened, maintaining a firm face. The younger had gotten tired of all the fighting, not getting why they hadn't just freaking reached a middle ground and talked through it. The useless arguments and the hurtful comments had gotten them nowhere, so he wasn't going to allow any slip on the management of the issue anymore. Kihyun would be coming back to the dorm and they would have a meeting, communicating and discussing their differences as they had done over the past years. “Kihyun, I'm not bluffing. Please put your socks on”

“You can't force me” the other argued, pushing the black items out of his lap with a huff “'m not a child”  
“Then stop acting as one and put your goddamn socks on, Ki” Hyungwon responded. He then wondered if it had been the right thing to say, considering Kihyun's situation, but the accusation seemed to only lightly offend Kihyun since he finally obeyed. 

“Alright, let's go”  
“Don't wanna” Kihyun whined, crossing his arms on his chest. Hyungwon froze at the change of attitude, clearly not predicting that outcome. He had thought that after the events of the previous night, the younger wouldn't slip in front of them again. But he was wrong, because Kihyun kicked his legs childishly, pout in full display. Hyungwon stared at the boy for a few beats, confirming his supposition.  
“Kihyun, say goodbye to the lady, we are going” Hyungwon insisted, trying to avoid a meltdown since Minhyuk had explained to them that the boy had undergone a few tantrums while in headspace.  
“No” the boy fought, tears starting to pool on his eyes. The younger sighed, reaching out for the boy's hand. He gently took it, squeezing softly.  
“Hyung will be right by your side, Kihyun. The van is waiting for us, buddy” he stood up, pulling the smaller by the hand.

 

He finally managed to take Kihyun downstairs, leading him to the car and helping him with the seatbelt. The elder stayed silent, letting Hyungwon direct him around and compliantly following.  
“We're going home?” he finally questioned with a tiny string of voice, not letting go of the other's hand.  
“Yes, Kihyun. We are going to the dorm now”  
The boy nodded softly, sniffling as Hyungwon shifted uncomfortably in the seat. He wasn't especially good with kids and watching his hyung experiment regression was making him feel slightly anxious. He could manage Kihyun's apparent anger and ignore his violent outbursts, but caring for him while he was in headspace was nothing he was mentally prepared for.

Luckily, when the van parked in front of their building, Kihyun was still silent. Hyungwon had to literally pull him out of the car, making sure he didn't harm him as he nudged him to the door. He opened the door and walked directly to the elevator, pressing the button of his floor as Kihyun played with his necklace, a small silver chain that hung loosely from his neck.

 

It was Hoseok who opened the door. Such a well-timed coincidence, Hyungwon thought.  
There was a stretch of silence, in which Hyunwoo appeared behind Hoseok, looking as panicked as Hyungwon. Hoseok opened his mouth, a guilty apology already slipping from his lips when Kihyun tumbled forward.  
“H-hyungie!” Kihyun all but wailed, proceeding to throw himself in Hoseok's arms. The elder was left in utter shock as Kihyun sobbed in his arms, pressing himself against the fabric of his shirt, his thin arms wrapping tightly around his neck. “Hyun-hyungie!”

“I'm here, hyung is here” Hoseok found his voice a few seconds later, circling Kihyun with his arms and holding him close, relishing in the presence of the younger, who had missed immensely. “Shush, Kihyun, hyung is here. You are safe, you are okay. I'm right here”  
Kihyun kept bawling in the elder's broad shoulders, whimpering loudly every time Hoseok shushed or comforted him.

The boy stayed in the elder's chest, basking in his warmth and soft embrace, not able to do anything else than let out all the emotions that he had kept bottled up for the last week. All the pain, the guilt, the anxiety, and the fear flooded him, making his chest constrict and his throat close until he barely could breathe. Hoseok simply rubbed his back, softly rocking his body back and forth in a grounding motion.

The cries lasted an eternity but Hoseok never loosened his hold on the younger, holding his own tears back. Meanwhile, the other members had reunited in the living room, wanting to give the other two some privacy. They couldn't imagine how hard the whole conflict had been on Hoseok, as the elder vocal was ultimately whipped for the smaller boy, who always looked out to his hyung for comfort and advice.

Once Kihyun had calmed down enough to be responsive to the external stimuli, they decided to address the issue upfront.  
Hoseok walked to the living room with the younger almost attached to him. He peeled him off himself for a second and situated on the couch. However, Kihyun stood awkwardly in front of him, eyeing the other sofa in the search of a place to sit until the elder pulled him into his lap gently, waiting for Kihyun's confirmation before wrapping his arms around his waist, letting the younger rest his cheek against his chest.

“Alright” Hyunwoo started, exhaling a long breath of pure relief now that they were back together. “I think we should leave things clear. Kihyun, we want you to explain as much as you are comfortable telling us and we will try our best to help if that's what you want from us. But we have some unfinished problems that we can't leave hanging, so it's important for us to speak up. Anyone who wants to start?”

Those meetings had been terribly embarrassing at first when they didn't know each other as much, and opening in front of six strangers was a huge challenge. But now, after more than three years together, Minhyuk had found that those stupid chats kept the group stuck and the dynamics balanced, so he gathered up the courage to talk.  
“Okay, I guess I will. Uhm... I wanted to apologize to Hoseok hyung first. What I said yesterday night was rude and uncalled for. I was stressed and confused but it's no excuse for my words. I'm sorry for that” he genuinely expressed his regret. “And Kihyun, I-... Well, I'm not really sure of what happened exactly but I wanted you to know that I'm really sorry if I overstepped any of your boundaries. I was trying my best to help you, but maybe it wasn't my place to do so. Please accept my apologies.”  
Kihyun was already sobbing again before Minhyuk could finish his sentence.  
“'m so sorry, hyung. I'm so sorry” the younger cried, hot tears streaming down his cheeks.  
“Don't cry, please. We are not accusing you, Kihyun, we just genuinely want to help” Minhyuk tried to calm down the boy, but his own emotions were already all over the place.

“Oh God, this sounds so formal” Changkyun complained, shifting in his seat in self-conciousness. Hyunwoo let out a low chuckle, making Kihyun smile a tiny bit despite the wet cheeks, which made the maknae melt inside. He had missed the goofy, cheeky side of his hyung.

“Well, it's my turn. Same as Minhyuk, Kihyun. I'm sorry if I ever meddled too much in your business, it was, by no means, my intention to bother you. Please let us try to help you”

 

Kihyun was a mess, sniffling and hiccuping as the other members resumed his apologies. Hoseok didn't let go of him during the whole process until it was his turn. The elder's eyes were full of unshed tears and his lower lip was trembling. His voice wobbled when he started, but he managed to maintain it stable through the whole confession.  
“First of all, I have to apologize to Minhyuk for trying to blame him for something that wasn't under his control. It was very immature from my part and only now I can see it” the alleged boy directed an understanding smile to Hoseok, which made his voice wobble dangerously. Nevertheless, Hoseok could get a grip on his emotions and continued “Fuck, Kihyun. I... I promise I was just trying to help you when I first approached you. Maybe it was insensible of me, or just plain rude from your point of view, but I didn't have the intention to hurt you in any way. I understand why you snapped at me and how I should have done better, but I didn't realize how much this problem was burning you. Please, forgive me”

They all remained silent for a while, listening to Kihyun's cries dying out until the boy had no tears left. They gave him as much time as he needed, patiently waiting until Kihyun finally opened his mouth and started talking, all the words and thoughts that he had been holding down suddenly pouring out of his mouth.

“I-I don't even know what to say... I just want you to...” his voice broke and he stopped for a few seconds, covering his face with his forearm “I know I-I've been an asshole. An-and I don't deserve all your apologies because this is my f-fault. I was too scared, I-I guess...? Too intimidated to r-reach out to you and I've... I've hurt you.” he sniffled, accepting the tissue that Minhyuk handed him “I just want you to know that all that I said, it-it wasn't true, okay? I... I would never think like that of you and... I don't deserve this but I'm s-so s-sorry” he hid his face in Hoseok's chest, his body shaking with the dry sobs.

“Hey, we've got you, Kihyun. It's going to take some time but I'm sure everything will be forgiven as soon as we finish this conversation. We are going to stick together no matter what” Hyunwoo cleared, directing one of his warm smiles to the boy in hopes of controlling the situation.  
“We're here for you, alright? And from now on you need to come to us, I don't care what the issue is, if we're together we can solve it” Hoseok added, squishing the younger in his arms.  
“T-thank you guys. I-I don't deserve this...”  
“Nonsense” Hoseok assured “Trust us next time, huh? Our Kihyunn-” he cleared his throat, quickly rectifying “Our dear Kihyun”  
Kihyun shrunk in the other's hold, feeling incredibly small in his embrace. He inhaled deeply and then, gathering as much courage as he could, he requested;  
“C-could you call me-... would you uhm...- call me Ki-Kihyunnie again?” the boy stuttered shyly, handing the permission for the nickname that had been denied to Hoseok a few days ago. The elder simply smiled warmly, answering with a gentle 'of course'.

-

After some more reassurance and a hot cup of coffee for everyone, since the members had spent most part of the night looking for Kihyun, Hyunwoo finally decided to gently press the dreaded question.  
“Would you like to share your problem with us, Kihyun? As long as you are comfortable, we want to listen to you”

Kihyun visibly cowered, crossing his arms around himself in a protective gesture and, not without a moment of hesitation, he shyly nodded.  
“You already know what's going on. Hoseok hyung guessed right the first time. And, well- I already slipped in front of Minhyuk hyung yesterday and today... in the car with Hyungwon” Kihyun admitted, blushing in pure embarrassment. Despite his timid explanation, nobody said anything, simply encouraging him to continue speaking. “The thing is... I've been, uhm, slipping into Little space again? I-I don't really know why but I just started to feel... I can't really explain, but everything was too much and I just wanted to be small. I don't even know if that makes sense. But it was s-stronger? Stronger than before. I couldn't really control it and Little Kihyun just, uhm...” he took a deep breath, casting his gaze on the floor with bright red cheeks “I wanted to be with you while in headspace. But I didn't know how to, how to approach all of you with that. I-I'm not even sure if you still accept it”

“Why wouldn't we, Kihyun? You are still you, that doesn't change anything. Except for the diapers, I don't want to have to deal with diapers” Minhyuk joked, trying to lift the heavy atmosphere.  
“Have you ever changed a diaper in your entire life?” Hyungwon inquired, a small smile dancing in his lips.  
“Not really? But I've seen my mom do” Minhyuk answered, completely confident in his answer, eliciting an amused snort from Hyunwoo.  
“No diapers” Kihyun promised, letting out a tiny giggle when he felt Hoseok press a kiss in his head “I just felt really stupid, you know? We are a freaking idol band that's going on worldwide tours, we have thousands of fans cheering for us and huge support from the company. And the only thought in my mind is being Little. I'm being so ungrateful” the boy persisted, the brief moment of comedy vanishing into thin air.

“You are not ungrateful, Ki. You just need some way to unwind your stress. We work hard, you deserve breaks every now and then, and that's something you shouldn't feel guilty about” the maknae wisely contradicted Kihyun, earning a few nods from the other members. “And we really want to help. Well, at least I do. We just need some guidance”  
Five convinced 'me too' followed Changkyun's words, leaving Kihyun with a strange fuzzy sensation in his chest.

“Well, I don't have much guidance to give you... I'm still trying to find out how this works because it's really different from before. I used to color and nap and that was enough for me. But now it's... different? I'm not making much sense, am I?”  
“Not really. But any bit of information is useful” Hoseok assured, ruffling the boy's hair. The urge to show affection towards the younger had overcome him completely now that Kihyun didn't push him away. Kihyun's cheeks reddened again but that seemed to give him enough impulse to keep going.  
“I need some help with things, maybe with food and sometimes with sleeping. And taking care of myself overall? Some directions on that. And, playing? I feel a bit lonely when I'm by myself. It's stupid I know-”  
“It's not stupid, Kihyun. It's brave of you to tell us how you really feel. And you can always come to play with me” Minhyuk assured, reaching out to pat the boy's leg.

“Thank you. That's really nice. It really means a lot to me” Kihyun whispered, overwhelmed at the positiveness and openness that the members were showing.  
“Come to us whenever you feel Little, we will help you with whatever it is, alright?”  
Kihyun nodded, getting the sudden urge to suck on his thumb for comfort. His hyung's words were making him feel at the verge of slipping, but he knew he would rather finish this conversation in an adult headspace, or at least in half of it.

“Can I ask a question?” Jooheon intercepted, eyes narrowed in concentration. Kihyun tensed at the request but accepted nevertheless “How old are you?” the rapper inquired, tilting his head to the side with innocent curiosity, which made the other boy exhale in relief.  
“Around four or five. Maybe? I-I'm not sure. I'm smaller for some things, though. I use a pacifier sometimes, so, uh... Yeah, around that”  
“Cute” the second maknae whispered, leaning back on his seat.

“Alright, that said, we should probably take a nap before practice, I feel like I'm going to die” Hyungwon proposed, the lack of sleep settling deep in his bones.  
“Hyungwon is right. Let's sleep for now and we can continue the conversation during dinner”

-

Kihyun settled in Hoseok's arms, closing his eyes and inhaling the boy's soft aroma, a slight scent of perfume mixed with their dorm smell.  
The elder had all but pulled him into his room to nap, not wanting to let him go for a moment; and Kihyun would be lying if he said he didn't enjoy every second of the elder's caring attitude, feeling Hoseok's rhythmic breath tickling the crown of his head as his eyelids drooped, lulled to sleep by the warmth of his long-awaited comfort.


	5. trial and error

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> saying kihyun wasn't trying would be a lie. but it was too much to get used to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings: none  
> ps: not edited yet, i think it's a bit jumpy in some parts :(

Saying that Kihyun wasn't trying would be a lie. He was putting his best effort, pushing his fears away and fighting against his own instinct, that told him to protect himself instead of allowing his most vulnerable side to take hold of him.

Hoseok could see the hesitation in his eyes whenever they talked about his regression. They had established boundaries, had discussed in depth what Little space meant for Kihyun and which role the boy wanted them to play in his regression, but Hoseok could detect the glimpse of doubt every single time somebody brought up the topic. Kihyun had spoken about the fact that he was pretty independent while in headspace, but sometimes he just needed some guidance with certain tasks and a bit of physical affection whenever he felt troubled. He had also apologized about the huge argument he had created and had promised that he would make it up to them, even if the others had insisted on leaving those moments behind.

 

After hearing the boy's explanation for his behavior, none of them held no grudge towards Kihyun. Quite contrarily, they made their best effort on returning things to normality. Changkyun approached them with the thought that had gone through his mind a week ago, and they had decided to split the household chores more evenly, taking part of the burden from Kihyun's shoulders. Minhyuk and Hyungwon had bought an alarm clock and had thoroughly assured that they would put everything that was on them to wake up at the decided time.

 

Kihyun had cried a bit more in Hoseok's arms, still sure that he didn't deserve that much kindness. The older had held him through the sobs, pressing him close and assuring, in honey dipped voice, that he deserved the whole world.

 

-

 

The first time Kihyun slipped, it started relatively well.

He had appeared in the living room, hair tousled and cheeks slightly flushed and had pulled Minhyuk's sleeve repetitively until the older vocal had turned around, giving him undivided attention. 

Kihyun had then whispered, "Can't find my phone", blushing deeply and attempting to hide behind Minhyuk when Hyunwoo had looked at him curiously, surprised by the soft, almost cautious tone of voice the younger had used.

 

Minhyuk had stood up after giving a short nod to the others, indicating that he had it under control and then followed the younger into his room. Just as he had suspected, there was a pacifier in the bed, still inside the package, along with an old plushie, that Minhyuk was sure he had seen around the dorm during their debut days, and a coloring book. 

The rest of the room was a mess, the floor was covered in clothes and books that Kihyun had probably thrown in his frantic search. Minhyuk wondered how much time he had spent panicking until he had finally reached out to them for help. 

"'s not here," the younger said, bottom lip jutting out in a tiny pout. "I can't find it"

 

"Remember when was the last time you saw it, buddy?" Minhyuk asked, gaze traveling around the room. Kihyun seemed to think about it, frown deepening a bit until he shook his head. 

"It's okay, Kihyun. We'll look around and if we can't find, I will call the manager for him to check in the studio, alright?"

Kihyun nodded with urgency, not appearing very relieved at Minhyuk's words. His fingers were fidgeting in his lap, lacing and twisting the lower part of his hoodie. 

"Need to find it, hyung. I need to watch the cartoons" Kihyun pressured, visibly upset by the issue. 

 

"Oh, you need it for your cartoons, huh? Should we put them on TV, buddy? You can also watch them in the living room" Minhyuk proposed, reaching out to ruffle the boy's head. 

"N-no" Kihyun quickly answered, shaking his head for more emphasis. "No living room. Need to find my phone"

"Alright then, let's go find your phone".

  
  


Kihyun was getting more and more anxious as the minutes passed, roaming around Minhyuk as the older dismantled the whole kitchen in the search of the younger's iPhone.

"Is it here?" Kihyun pushed, trying to peek from behind Minhyuk. 

"No, buddy, not here. Try to remember where you left it, please"

 

"Can't remember” the boy whined, “My cartoons" he lamented, tears starting to pool in his eyes. 

"We can watch them online, Kihyunnie. I will get my computer and we can lay in your bed, huh?"

"No! No computer. I want my phone!" Kihyun screeched, weirdly obsessed with the device. Small drops already damped his cheeks and he stomped his socked foot on the ground, finally breaking out in loud cries.

 

The screaming drew Hyunwoo to the kitchen, who rushed to make sure Kihyun was alright. He found the boy standing in the middle of the kitchen, full out sobbing, and Minhyuk staring at the younger in utter perplexity, still holding a pan from his previous searching mission.

“ What is this?” Hyunwoo asked, earning a confused shrug from Minhyuk.

“ He lost his phone. Needs it for his cartoons” Minhyuk explained, still uncertain about what had truly triggered the meltdown.

 

Hyunwoo frowned, approaching Kihyun and placing a grounding hand in the boy's shoulder.

“ Kihyun? Can you please tell me what's wrong?” he requested softly. The younger's cries immediately stopped at hearing the leader's voice and he stilled, taking a few deep breaths and wiping the tears from his cheeks.

 

“ H-hyung” he whispered, sniffling. “'m sorry. I didn't mean to”

“ It's alright, Kihyun. Minhyuk here told me you have lost your phone. Would you like some more help to look for it? If we're three it will probably be easier. What do you say?”

“I- well…  I'm not little anymore, hyung. I don’t know what got me and ‘m s-sorry for throwing a t-tantrum, I just-... I watch those cartoons almost every day”

 

“ Well... It's perfectly normal, Kihyun” Hyunwoo assured, even if he was not so sure about that. Their first encounter with Little Kihyun after their discussion wasn’t going as successful as he had pictured and the leader feared that could bring reluctance from the boy's part when he had to reach out for them the next time. “Maybe we can play those cartoons on the living room TV. I'm sure we'll find them on Netflix or such.”

“ No, hyung. It doesn't matter, really. I don't know why... why I got so worked up”

“ Forgiven and forgotten, Kihyun. It was a natural reaction because you were stressed and you regressed. I'll call the manager to see if your phone is somewhere in the company building. We will keep looking around” Minhyuk offered, giving the younger a gentle hair pat, trying to lift his spirits.

 

“ Thanks, hyung. Uhm… I'll check my room again in case I missed it” Kihyun announced, leaving the kitchen with his eyes glued to the floor in embarrassment, which Minhyuk misinterpreted as disappointment.

 

“ Do you think we messed up?” Minhyuk finally exposed his insecurities to the leader once Kihyun was out of hearing range.

“ I seriously have no idea. Guess time will tell” Hyunwoo answered with a sigh.

 

-

 

After that incident, Kihyun acted as if nothing had happened. He greeted the boys with his usual morning energy the following day, leaving a stunned Minhyuk eyeing him in disbelief. Kihyun had simply kept the conversation going and even bickered a bit with Jooheon, so Minhyuk guessed that it was better to forget the accident and learn to manage the situation better the next time that Kihyun slipped.

  
  
  


The second time, they were coming back from an awards show. After a strenuous day of preparation and non-stop practice, they had ended the showcase with a first place award. Despite the euphoria he had felt when they had announced their position, when they reached the dorm Minhyuk was holding back his tears.  

 

He had undergone a wardrobe malfunction that had caused his shirt to rip on the center, ending up bare-chested in front of a public formed by more than a thousand of fans. He had seen the surprise in their faces and hadn't missed the judging whispered comments that were heard from the audience. 

 

He knew it was an accident beyond his control and it wasn't the first time something like that had happened on stage, but he couldn't get rid of the humiliation that had settled in his stomach. He first brushed it off, attempting to pass it as a funny accident, something comic. But during the car ride, guilt had surpassed him and he had made the horrible choice to check his social media, the worst decision he could have taken. 

 

The fans' comments under their performance video were almost insulting, mocking Minhyuk and labeling him as nothing more than an attention seeker. 

He had finally broken down on their apartment's hall, dropping his bag and letting the tears wash away the shame. 

 

Jooheon and Hoseok had immediately rushed to his side, worried about the vocal. They had helped him sit in the couch, consoling him with comforting words and praises of how well he had done despite that brief mishap. 

 

Kihyun, who had been extremely clingy to Hoseok the whole car ride, awkwardly stood next to the older vocal, still attached to his arm as he observed his fellow members reassuring Minhyuk. 

When he realized Hoseok's whole attention was on his friend and he had been pushed away from the scene, he started pulling the older's arm impatiently wanting the warmth that the cuddles were providing back. 

"Wait a second, Kihyun" Hoseok asked, not even turning around to check on the younger. Kihyun kept pulling, getting impatient as the seconds passed and his beloved hyung wasn’t coddling him. He felt a strange tingly feeling settling on his stomach, something that adult Kihyun would probably recognize as jealousy and brush it off, but half-regressed Kihyun was not capable of fully identifying "Hey, Kihyun, give me a moment" Hoseok continued, not noticing how the boy's face was twisting into a pout "Do me a favor, Ki. Could you prepare something warm for Minhyuk? He could use a tea"

 

There was a second of silence, where Kihyun ceased the pulling, the uncomfortable tingle spreading through his whole body as Hoseok didn’t even spare him a glance. 

"Hoseok hyu-" Minhyuk couldn't finish the warning, because there was a thump from behind the older, followed by an ear-piercing wail. The whole group astonishedly stared at the now regressed boy, who had plopped himself on the floor and, without much warning, began screaming at the top of his lungs. 

 

"Wan' hyung!" Kihyun aggressively demanded, crocodile tears rolling down his cheeks. Hoseok would have felt flattered at the request if it wasn't for the fact that Kihyun was throwing a massive tantrum, sprawled on the rug of their living room. He eyed Hyunwoo cluelessly of the reason that had made Kihyun so suddenly upset, clearly oblivious of the attack of childish jealousy Kihyun was displaying. 

 

“ Wan' my hyung!” Kihyun sobbed, grabby hands extending towards Hoseok, who was still holding Minhyuk in his embrace. The vocal had quickly recovered composure and, knowing that Kihyun was in a really young mindset, he simply ignored the obvious sudden envy thrown to his persona.

“ Come here with your hyungie and we can cuddle together, huh?” he offered, trying to save Hoseok, who seemed completely lost.

Kihyun's nose scrunched up angrily and he kicked his feet once again, one of his preferred moves to show his anger, drumming his trainers against the hardwood floor.

“ No! Just  _ my _ hyung. Mine!” Kihyun answered with a shout, his voice strained from the teary show he was putting up.

 

Changkyun's eyes seemed right about to pop out of his sockets and Hyunwoo's usual sereneness had vanished as he looked down at the small boy, who was now sobbing, two fingers in his open mouth and splotched face, doing nothing to cover his constrained features; truly as a child would cry.

 

“ Go, hyung. It's not fair to let him cry. He also had a hard day” Minhyuk prompted Hoseok, who obeyed immediately as if he had been waiting for an instruction to follow.

“ Here, Kihyunnie. Hyung is here” he whispered, sitting on the floor and scooting to the younger, arms open to welcome the regressed boy. As Kihyun didn't move, Hoseok reached out to gently pull him on his lap to soothe the boy, but Kihyun resisted, squirming out of the older's hold.

“ N-no” he choked at the movement, ceasing the fit that he had been throwing less than a second ago. “S-stop. I'm s-sorry” he apologized, scrambling to his feet and rubbing -a bit too aggressively- his eyes with his fists, getting rid of the tears still pooling in there. “I-... Shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry” he repeated, stepping backward, looking incredibly small and defenseless, probably trying to shake the previous regressed headspace and forcing himself to think rationally as an adult.

 

“ Wait, Kihyun!” Hyunwoo called when the younger turned around, already reaching for the door. Kihyun eyed him one last time, his gaze stopping in Hoseok for a beat, then casting downwards.

“ I'm sorry you had to see that” he uttered, disappearing in the dark corridor.

“ Hey! Hyung!” Changkyun raised his voice, ready to chase after him, but Minhyuk grabbed his arm, successfully keeping him in place.

“ Don't push him. Give him time” the elder pleaded, fearing that pressuring the boy would lead to a worse situation.

“ Time? Time is not gonna solve this” 

 

-

 

Time clearly didn't solve it. The next day, Kihyun was back to his performance, smiling as if nothing had happened. It wasn't fair to blame him, as the boys knew that the fact that he allowed himself to drop in front of them was a huge step of confidence for the vocal, even if it hadn't ended well.

That's why they didn't say anything, behaving as they usually would with the boy, trying to show him that nothing had changed between them even though he had slipped twice.

 

The catalyst happened not more than a week later. Hyunwoo was chasing Gucci, Jooheon's cat, to trim its claws, that had been scratching the sofa for the whole night. The tiny animal was not pleased by that since he had been meowing and scratching the man during his futile attempts.

“ Gucci! For God's sake, I'm going to tell Jooheon to kick you out of this house if you don't stay put” he scowled, reaching for the kitten, that had hidden under the sofa.  “ Jooheon!! Come pick your cat!” he exclaimed after Gucci hissed at him, sinking its tiny fangs on the man's finger.

 

The rapper probably hadn't heard him, too absorbed in his work, so Hyunwoo gave up, leaving the fierce kitten under the couch and making his way to the younger's bedroom to complain about his feline pets.

 

The leader never got to protest about the kitties since he found Kihyun sitting in the hall, his knees drawn to his chest and his tongue poking out in concentration. His hands were steadily working on the laces of his shoes, clumsily attempting to tie a knot again and again, the strings tangling every time.

The frown in the boy's features grew deeper as the seconds passed, the frustration that he was experiencing painted in his face.

“ Ugh! Silly shoes!” he grumbled, stomping his other bare foot on the floor. It was then when he noticed Hyuwnoo's presence because the boy straightened his back and tried to dissimulate his previous comment nonchalantly, greeting the leader with an upwards head movement. “Hi, hyung”

“ Hi, Ki. I thought you had vocal practice?” Hyunwoo wondered, recalling how much the younger had complained about having schedule right before lunchtime.

“ Yeah... 'M running a bit late” the boy admitted, giving his shoes a grumpy look. Hyunwoo detected the change of attitude in the boy and decided to intervene.

“ I can see that. Need some help over there?” the leader cautiously offered, completely clueless about how would Kihyun react after the tantrums he had been throwing the previous times he had dropped.

 

“ Nah, I'm just fine, thanks” Kihyun denied, slipping his foot back on the shoe and grabbing the laces once again, hands unsure on how to proceed.

“ I really don't mind, Ki. Hyung can help you if you need” Hyuwnoo insisted without pushing too much, analyzing the smaller's actions.

“ No, I don't need anything” Kihyun politely refused again, so Hyunwoo sighed, not wanting to overstep any boundary.

“ Alright. If you change your opinion, just tell me, alright?” The leader made sure Kihyun knew the offer was still up before he turned around. Kihyun grunted frustratingly once again when the strings of his trainers got caught between his fingers and his lip started to involuntarily tremble.

 

"No, I don't want help! Kihyun does it, not you!" he exclaimed in pure frustration, taking his shoe off and throwing it across the hall in a rebellion gesture. It hit the small stand on the entrance, making it dangerously tumble. The decorative vase placed over it, in which Hoseok placed some flowers from time to time to give their dull hall a bit of color, dropped, crashing on the floor and shattering into a thousand pieces, that spread around the rug and the mess of the other boys' shoes.

 

The sound of glass breaking finally snapped Kihyun out of his denial in the harshest way possible, because the boy flinched and directed his gaze to Hyunwoo, his eyes wide with fear and regret.

“ 'M sorry, I'm so sorry. I didn’t mean to- I'm so sorry, please don't be mad, please don't” he pleaded, eyes filling with tears.

 

Hoseok and Hyungwon appeared in the room, probably startled by the sharp crashing sound. Hyungwon's face was puffy and his hair was ruffled as if he had just woken up and he just stared at the broken decoration in utter confusion. Hoseok gave Hyunwoo a concerned look, mouthing 'what the fuck?' to what the younger pointed to the shoe on the middle of the broken glass and answered 'he is Little' back.

At the confirmation, Hoseok kneeled next to the boy, smiling softly and extending a hand towards him, a non-verbal invitation to allow Kihyun to decide how he wanted to face the situation. Instead of accepting the simplest answer and finally giving up on pushing the others away, Kihyun whimpered and curled onto himself, even more, pressing his back against the wall.

“ You are okay, Kihyunnie. Take some deep breaths for me, alright?” Hoseok gently prompted, seeing that Kihyun was still rejecting them. The boy obeyed, some silent tears already slipping down his cheeks. He inhaled, keeping his eyes trained on the floor, and then exhaled shakily.

“ B-broke the vase, hyung. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it” he uttered, voice coated in remorse.

“ That doesn't matter, buddy. Don't feel bad about it, we can replace it. Just take deep breaths.” Kihyun seemed torn at the older’s reasoning, but nevertheless, he nodded, following the other’s directions. “Good job, you are doing so nice”

 

Kihyun hiccuped, his fists rubbing his cheeks as he listened to Hoseok's voice, calming his breathing and finally relaxing enough to be receptive to the rational talk.

“ Okay, you did good, Ki. We're right here for you. Are you okay?” Hoseok asked, watching as Kihyun nodded slowly, returning to his adult mindset. “Great, that's great. Come give hyung a hug”

“But…  I'm not Little, hyung. I-” Kihyun excused himself, fingers anxiously fiddling with this silver necklace after he had wiped his tears.

“ I know, Kihyunnie, I just want a hug. Come here” Hoseok smiled, ever so gentle and soft that Kihyun couldn't help but crawl into his embrace, letting all the tension slip out of him as Hoseok held him close.

 

  
  
“ Well, I think we need to have a talk” Hyunwoo finally broke the silence, accepting the broom that Hyungwon had brought from their storage room and directing a meaningful look to Hoseok, who immediately accepted the proposal, tightening his hold on the boy in his lap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i promise that next chapter is fluffy, i'm on an angst streak lately fbhdbgshfbwl


	6. light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings: foul language

Kihyun sat securely situated in Hoseok's lap, the older's arms around his waist as he gently bounced the boy up and down. Kihyun wasn't any close to dropping at the moment after the frightening incident with the crystal vase, but he found the rocking motion extremely grounding after his shaken state.

 

“We’re here” Jooheon announced a few minutes later, followed by an anxiety-eaten Changkyun, who was terrified that their group’s now fragile stability had broken once again. 

Hyunwoo had called a group meeting, sending a very vague message on the group chat to avoid the others to get too concerned. It hadn’t worked the slightest, because Minhyuk shot an alarmed look at Kihyun as soon as he entered the main room, only relaxing when he noticed how calm the younger appeared in Hoseok’s hold. 

 

Even though he knew he would probably earn himself a hard lecture, the leader had also called the company, excusing Kihyun from his training lessons with the claim that he had woken up with an intense migraine. He hoped the manager wouldn’t take measures after Kihyun’s reiterated disappearances lately and he just blamed it on the weather or on the over exhaustion. 

 

“Great. Nothing important is wrong, so please relax. We need to make this as comfortable as we can” Hyunwoo started, shifting to his more strict, paced leader persona. He needed to be mentally strong during those moments for the sake of the group, even if it wasn’t always easy. Jooheon slumped on the sofa and Minhyuk let out an awkward laugh, eyes shifting from Kihyun to the leader. “I just deemed necessary to talk about Kihyun’s regression once again” the mentioned boy squirmed in his seat, fingers unable to keep still, probably from the embarrassment or the reluctance that he carried with his headspace. “As you have probably noticed, we are absolutely awful at dealing with Ki’s headspace. So, now that we are here, we would like to ask you, Kihyun, for some specific advice.”

Kihyun froze at the request, immediately frowning and getting increasingly nervous, as if the other members’ looks burned onto his skin.

“We are not accusing you of anything, Kihyunnie. We just need to know what goes through your mind during those times” Hoseok gently reminded, halting his rocking motions and giving Kihyun a few beats to compose himself before speaking. 

 

“Okay… Hell” the boy cursed, scratching the back of his head while he ordered the words he wanted to vocalize in his mind “Honestly speaking. I- I have no idea. It’s just… I know you are accepting of my regression and everything… But- I can’t help but- uhm… get the feeling that you'll get... get tired of me? I... I know you don't want to- to watch freaking cartoons during your free time and well, you need to do your things apart from- from watching over me and... and I realized that it's not fair that I'm asking this from you"

 

The other members didn't say anything, letting the words sink in and trying to relate Kihyun's reasoning to his actions the days before- the urge to find his phone to see the cartoons in his own room, the meltdown to get some attention from Hoseok without directly asking for it and the refusal to allow Hyunwoo to help him to get ready. 

The boy was pulling on the silver chain on his neck, leaving the sensitive skin on his upper chest irritated from the fidgeting. 

"I can't control my emotions completely when I regress and maybe it's too much for you. It's not fair you have to deal with this... "

 

"But, what if we want? What if we want to try?" Changkyun argued, raising an eyebrow towards the older boy, who sunk in Hoseok's arms even more, relishing on the protection that the embrace offered. 

"Hyung, do you think we care more about a television show than you? I don't give a shit if the only thing we play on the TV from now on is reruns of freaking Lazy Town. We wouldn't care any less because what we want is to help you, to be able to have a nice time with Little you, without you panicking." Hyungwon spoke, his tone a bit too aggressive for the message he was actually trying to transmit, but it served to snap Kihyun out of his stubborn denial.

"It hurts us to see you struggling, Ki, and we would trade our entire TV time if that meant you would open up to us. We are supposed to go through hardships together but you aren't letting us help you figure this out" Minhyuk added in a much more calmed tone, reusing the example to demonstrate how stupid Kihyun's comparison had been. 

 

"I... Okay, alright" Kihyun inhaled deeply after giving the three men a tiny grateful smile. "But... It's difficult. I want to, I really want to but i-it's hard to express myself and sometimes I don't know how am I supposed to... to behave. My reasoning is not the same when I regress and-"

"We are not saying the tantrums and meltdowns are the problem here, Ki. We will learn how to deal with those and they are perfectly natural considering what regression is about. The issue is running away from them. You don't let us talk you through it, you just... disappear" Hyunwoo dug on the root of the conversation, already sensing the direction of Kihyun's speech. 

 

"Oh" Kihyun breathed, seeming puzzled for a moment, not expecting that response. He had guessed that the others would feel awkward or worst, irritated after his exaggerated tantrums. That was the sole reason why he flew the scene after he gathered himself enough to be rational or half adult at least. He didn't want to place the burden of dealing with Little him when he got overwhelmed, knowing how stubborn and anxious he could get. "I... I thought you wouldn't want to do that. Uhm... I am a little confused"

"Well, we didn't sign up for this just to see the bright part of it, Kihyunnie.” Hoseok joked, placing his chin on the younger’s head, dwarfing him even more behind his muscular arms, as if he wanted to keep him safe in his hold “You are allowed to have feelings even if the way of expressing them is different from ours. Tantrums are normal and we will find a way to help you through them when it happens. That we take care of you doesn't mean you have to always be happy and pliant about it."

 

“I am so stupid” Kihyun blurted after a few seconds of stillness, a little giggle slipping from his lips when he realized his misunderstanding about the others’ perspective. He couldn’t stop his laughter once it had started, feeling relief flooding his body. "I am so freaking stupid.” He simply let out the giggles, allowing to mentally relax for a moment until he sensed the tears starting to pool in his eyes “Oh god, I think I’m going to cry again"

"Feelings, Kihyun, feelings” Minhyuk playfully reminded, giving the younger an exaggerated wink, making him blurt out in giggles once again.

 

-

 

Kihyun had spent the whole afternoon glued to Hoseok. After finally being reassured that the others fully understood and approved his headspace- not that they had ever said the contrary, but them speaking so openly about it and validating Kihyun’s struggles after they had seen him throw a screaming fit on the floor a few days ago meant a lot to the boy.

He had almost dozed off in the older’s arms after the emotionally draining conversation and Hoseok didn’t seem bothered by it, so Kihyun grasped his oversized T-shirt with his fists and squished his cheek against the other’s shoulder, feeling himself slowly settle into headspace once again. 

This time he let it happen naturally, pushing the fear and apprehension that appeared when he realized he was starting to lose control of his adult mindset and allowing himself to melt into a safe headspace. 

 

They had ended up scrolling through Netflix, Hoseok taking notes of every cartoon or movie that sparked the Little’s attention. Kihyun wasn’t very receptive, pointing at certain series that he found interesting but overall just nuzzling into the older’s chest and pressing against him for cuddles. Hoseok obliged, finally choosing a Ghibli movie and leaning back on the couch, carding his fingers through the boy’s light brown bangs until Kihyun started softly snoring, completely relaxed in his slumber. 

  
  


Hoseok’s heart shattered when he was forced to wake the boy in his arms, having missed that soft side of Kihyun when he was around him. Their short nap had been extremely mentally healing for the caregiver, being able to hold the Little for a while and experience the beginning of a serene regression, with the smaller clutching onto him. The fear of messing up was still there, but it had passed to background noise in Hoseok’s mind, that reminded him to be careful of his actions.

“Kihyunnie, darling. Let’s get up for a bit, huh? Let’s have some dinner with the others” he gently prompted, shaking the Little’s shoulder softly, unable to stop his lips from curling upwards when Kihyun cracked his eyes open just a bit, with an adorably confused face. 

“Don’ wanna” Kihyun whined, tightening the hold in Hoseok’s neck.

“Well, we can’t have dinner on the sofa, buddy” the older insisted, repositioning Kihyun so he could get up. He pulled the smaller with him, placing a hand on his back to stabilize him since he was still stuck on his neck. 

“No” the boy whimpered, supporting his whole weight in Hoseok, as an attempt to push him back to the sofa and resume their previous coddling. 

“Kihyunnie, listen to hyung. Let’s have some food and then we can get your pajamas on and sleep on your bed. Can you do that?”

Pouting, the boy nodded, detaching himself from the older and waited until Hoseok moved to follow him closely. 

 

Changyun smiled when they entered the room, friendly ruffling the Little’s hair and offering him a bowl of chicken soup from the counter. They had played it safe and opted for an easy dinner that Kihyun would probably eat without complain, that furthermore, contained one of his favorite foods. 

The boy took the warm soup and wordlessly plopped himself in his chair, managing to spill some over his shirt when the broth sloshed from the harsh motion. 

“Careful there” Hyunwoo warned, sliding the bowl a bit further from the edge of the table, where Kihyun had placed it after the splash. The boy watched the leader pushing the soup away and scrunched his nose to keep his tears at bay. He was strangely sensitive after the whole breakdown a few hours before and the previous comfort that he had obtained from napping with Hoseok wasn’t there anymore, which left him once again in that vulnerable position that he had been purposefully avoiding. 

“My s-shirt” he whimpered, his fingers prodding at the wet, still lukewarm spot on his shirt.

“Oh buddy, it’s just a small stain. We can put it on the washing machine and it’ll be as good as new” Hoseok explained, wiping the remains of soup from the Little’s 

“Don’t want to put it in the washing machine” Kihyun lamented, thinking that the whole ordeal would delay the promised cuddles with Hoseok. If Hoseok had to do the laundry, he wouldn’t be there with Kihyun when he went to bed. Instead of voicing his anxiety as he was struggling to do, he found himself getting lost in the despair and the mere thought of spending another night alone while in headspace broke the dam. Before Kihyun could compose himself, the waterworks started. 

 

It took him less than thirty seconds to pull himself out of headspace, realizing that their previous chat about tantrums and communication hadn’t served for anything, because there he was, repeating it all once again. He clamped his mouth shut and attempted his best at stopping the tears, pressing his fists to his eyes with insistence. 

“I’m going to go to my room” he announced, aware that he wouldn’t be able to stop the meltdown in the kitchen, with the others staring at him so intensely and the disappointment flashing in Hoseok’s eyes for a split moment. 

“No, you are not, Kihyun. Please stay here with us” Changkyun was the first to interrupt Kihyun’s 

“I’m not Little anymore and I need to calm down-” Kihyun insisted, the words coming out shakily because of the effort he was putting in stopping the cries.

“I know you are not regressed right now, Ki, but remember what we talked about before, kiddo?” Hyunwoo’s tone was almost patronizing, and even though he hadn’t done it deliberately, it made Kihyun, who was at the edge between headspaces, spiral down his regression once again. “Come sit here, please”

“‘kay” the boy accepted, hands flying to twist his necklace, a fidgety habit which seemed to be intensified when he was dropping. Hyunwoo moved to the side to let Kihyun sit in Hoseok’s lap, having noticed how the boy gravitated towards him for comfort.

 

“What made you sad? Tell hyungie so he can make it better” Hoseok requested, allowing Kihyun to continue fiddling with the silver chain to relax and wiping the almost dry tears from Kihyun’s cheeks with a tissue that Jooheon had handed him. The boy pouted, head leaning on the softness of the hand in his face before speaking up.

“Don’t wan’ you to leave” he admitted, sniffling when Hoseok pulled the hand away to dispose the used tissue.

“Well, I’m not going anywhere, buddy.” Hoseok assured, patting the younger’s back gently and repositioning him so he could stretch his legs comfortably under the table. 

“Is it because of the laundry? I can do it for you, Kihyunnie. Tomorrow your shirt will be all clean” Minhyuk offered, observing how Kihyun shyly agreed to the favor, lighting up a bit. “Finish your food for the moment, alright?” 

Kihyun nodded at the gentle order, reaching for his soup bowl without moving from the makeshift seat the older’s lap offered. Hyungwon gave him a spoon, stepping in for a moment to roll up the sleeves from his patterned shirt, as he would do to a small child. 

 

“Shouldn’t we just take it off?” Jooheon inquired, knowing that the smell from the shirt would worsen as the stain dried and it was probably annoyingly sticking to the Little’s chest.

“No, I will just change him into something snug once I take him to bed” Hoseok answered, fondly watching how Kihyun started faintly giggling at the stupid faces that Minhyuk was making as he ate, shoving spoonful after spoonful of soup in his mouth between laughs “I don’t want to disturb him anymore”

 

-

 

After feeding Kihyun a strawberry yogurt, which the Little had shyly asked for when he saw Changkyun getting one for himself, Hoseok finally took him to his room to get rid of the stained shirt and prepare him for bed.

The regressed boy had started to warm up to them pretty easily now that the meltdowns weren’t a problem- he had gotten a bit upset when the yogurt had finished too soon for his liking, but the maknae had successfully redirected the issue by offering him a bit of his. He had helped Hyungwon and Minhyuk pick up the table, even blowing Jooheon a small kiss when the rapper had asked for one. 

 

Hoseok just smiled like a total fool, watching the smaller interact with the others without letting go of his hand, following him down the corridor with a glint of excitement in his eyes, obediently sitting in the bed when the older asked him to and sneaking the small cross of his necklace to his parted lips when Hoseok started rummaging the closet in hopes of finding a pajama for the boy. 

The caregiver was aware that sucking on a piece of metal wasn’t the most sanitary thing, but he could guess it wasn’t the first time Kihyun did it, and he also suspected that asking for the location of the boy’s pacifier would generate another meltdown, so he let it pass for once, deciding to choose his battles wisely. 

“What do you usually wear to sleep, Kihyunnie?” Hoseok risked the question when he was unable to find any piece of clothing that looked enough childish to belong to Little Kihyun. 

“‘ude’ama” the boy mumbled, the word coming out lisped due to his teeth clamping down the necklace. 

“Oh, well, wait a second then,” he said, almost sure he had caught a glimpse of yellow character on the shirts at the back of the wardrobe. He pulled out a purple top, adorned with different tiny Gudetamas all over. The combination of colors and the position of the cartoon’s weird body was horrible in Hoseok’s eyes, but Kihyun simply reached out for it with a giggle, his current shirt already halfway off.

“Gude’ama. It’s this” he confirmed, earning a thumbs up from the older.

 

When Hoseok came back from picking his clothes, the boy had already slipped into his oversized pajama, expectantly waiting on the edge of the bed for is hyung’s return. 

“Teeth?” Kihyun asked, head tilting to the side. Hoseok nodded, supposing that the boy had a routine planned for when he dropped by himself and he felt a small clench in his heart imagining the younger carrying the preparing sequence alone, having to force out of headspace to finish certain tasks without failing. He took the boy to the bathroom, supervising his skincare and his teeth brushing skills, that weren’t really professional but did the job well enough. 

 

Once in bed, Hoseok fought his tiredness, wanting to make sure Kihyun dozed off before he did; ensuring the boy knew that the older was caring for him was the main objective in his mind.

Kihyun hummed himself to sleep, head resting on Hoseok’s chest while the older tenderly brushed his fingers through his hair, keeping him as close as he could now that Kihyun trusted him enough to open his rawest, most unguarded side of his persona. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the fluff is starting, my heart can't take it anymore. there's another chapter left and then a long, fluffy epilogue ^-^  
> thanks for reading!!


	7. trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> things definitely start taking a turn for the better with little kihyun

More than a week had passed and Kihyun finally gathered the courage to confess that he didn’t own many toys. He wasn’t really picky about other accessories, he was old enough to drink from a cup and eat with adult cutlery and he didn’t have any special desire on buying different clothes from the ones he already possessed, but he always found himself wishing he could have a small stash of toys to play. He had coloring books and some plushies, stuff that could pass as ordinary adult objects, but not much more apart from that.   
Minhyuk and Jooheon had been horrified when he had finally spoken up about the issue, immediately arranging a trip to the local toy store to recollect some games for the boy. They brought back a set of Lego, a box of magnet pieces (Minhyuk had repeatedly mentioned they were his favorite ones when he was a child), a huge stuffed shark (that competed with the enormous Gudetama Kihyun kept in his room), a stash of Mario videogames for their console (Hyunwoo had directed them a death glare, not wanting Little Kihyun to obsess with electronics) and some children’s books that were on sale. 

Kihyun had instantly spiraled into his headspace, politely thanking his two hyungs for the gifts and admiring the bunch of toys with sparkly eyes, full of curiosity and eagerness.   
They had stored the video games away, with the promise that Hyunwoo would allow them to play a bit after dinner. Hoseok hadn’t been able to suppress the laugh that bubbled up his throat when he saw the leader taking his caregiver role so seriously, even crouching down a bit in front of Kihyun to explain why he couldn’t use the device at the moment, since the boy had been at the verge of a tantrum at the negative.

To distract Kihyun, Changkyun and Minhyuk had sat down in the floor with him emptying the box of Lego pieces and the magnetic bits on the rug, starting a free construction in the living room. 

 

“Look at that!” Minhyuk exclaimed when the tower of Lego’s was finally finished. It was almost as tall as the younger, the blocks dangerously titling to the right, barely holding together.   
“Look at that!” Kihyun echoed, this time directed to Hoseok, eyes sparkling with pure excitement as he pointed to the tower.  
Hoseok exaggerated a gasp and Kihyun giggled, covering his mouth with his hands and blushing at the praise, always turning into mush when his dearest caregiver was involved.  
“Silly hyungie” he mumbled, unable to hide his smile when he turned back to the tower, observing it with admiration. “It’s really big” he commented, extending his arm to unexpectedly slap it, watching it fall with delight, all the pieces sprawling around the living room, rolling under the sofa and the TV’s holder.  
“Kihyun!” Changkyun whined at the mess, tickling the boy’s sides when he noticed the mad grin that he was sporting, probably unable to contain his exhilaration at all the new games. Changkyun tried to understand Kihyun’s perspective, how much he had held himself back and how much he had probably bottled before they came to this, to being openly Little in front of them; and immediately forgot about the mess, looking at the boy on the eyes with matching enthusiasm and proposing “Should we build another one?”

-

Kihyun grew tired of the construction game when the second tower was almost finished.   
"'m hungry" he announced, rubbing his stomach vigorously, probably from a hunger cramp. The Little had absolutely refused to eat breakfast, wanting to make use of his cuddle time with Hoseok in bed for as long as possible. The others had caved since, at that moment, Hyunwoo wasn't at home and none of them desired to bring down the mood so early in the morning. They were aware that the household was in need of some rules to maintain the order with regressed Kihyun and his unexpected wishes, but until they had adapted to the boy's headspace, they flowed with the scenario. 

"Let's get you a snack, then" Changkyun agreed, walking to the kitchen right behind the ecstatic boy.   
"Get something healthy!" Jooheon advised from the living room, very familiar with adult Kihyun's eating habits, that didn't involve much processed food. Changkyun shouted an affirmative back, stopping Kihyun right in time before he could shove his hand in the bag of sugary rice puffs that someone had left in the table.   
"Not that, buddy. Let's get something tastier" he coaxed the boy, pointing to the fruit bowl on the counter. Kihyun bit his lip, pondering if it was worth fighting for the sugary cereal, but then decided against it, extending his hand to grab an apple. "Good choice, bud. Do you want it in pieces?" Changkyun praised the election, seeing Kihyun's lips curl a bit upwards at the compliment. He nodded, leaving the fruit in the counter for the older to prepare. 

While Changkyun was distracted, attempting his best into cutting the apple without chopping off one of his fingers, Kihyun sneaked to the higher cupboards, where the maknaes kept their chocolates and greasy treats for movie nights. He pulled a stool from the kitchen table, pressing it against the door of the fridge to reach the upper cupboard.   
Changkyun, oblivious to the climbing adventure Kihyun was experiencing behind him, decided to add a banana to the apple cuts, to give the dish an extra dose of nutrition.   
Before he could even grab the yellow fruit, he heard a strange noise at his left and he turned around to see Kihyun dangerously tumbling from the chair, that hadn't been positioned correctly.   
"Fuck!" He cursed loudly, dropping the knife and jumping forward to stop the fall, already too late to avoid any damage. Thankfully, the boy recovered enough balance to avoid falling and Chankgyun’s arms firmly closed around his waist barely a second later, gripping tightly onto the Little’s unstable body. 

“Uh oh” Kihyun breathed, a nervous giggle escaping from his lips at the adrenaline that rushed through his body from the temerarious tumble.  
“Yes, uh oh” Changkyun repeated, immediately lowered him from the stool, feeling his throat constrict and his heart start beating wildly once he processed what had just happened “You gave hyung quite a scare here” he admitted, turning the older around to quickly search for any possible injury. Kihyun didn’t seem physically hurt, but the maknae could sense his heart pounding on his chest from how close the boy was clinging to him.   
“I a’most fell” Kihyun stated the obvious, hand reaching up to fiddle with his silver necklace, tentatively slipping the small cross past his lips, along with his thumb and his index finger.   
“I can see, buddy.” Changkyun assured, letting a chuckle out from the back of his throat at the Little’s curious reaction. “Don’t climb on the stool next time. You can ask me for anything, remember?”

“Not climb on stools” Kihyun parroted his hyung’s words, as if it was something new for him, something he hadn’t realized before. “Asking hyung” he continued as if he was storing the information for future reference.   
Changkyun comprehended that it was probably the case since regressed Kihyun had never had any authority or guidance while in headspace. He was likely used to wander freely when they weren’t in the dorm and acting instinctively, driven by his childlike mindset.   
“That’s right, bud. Tell hyung what you wanted from up there and we’ll see what we can do, huh?” Changkyun asked, remembering how Hoseok had talked to Kihyun when he had dropped and attempted his best to imitate it, knowing that he had to establish some boundaries for the boy to avoid the incoming tantrum.  
“Wan’ cho’o” the Little confessed, sparing a quick glance to the still open cupboard, full of chocolate bars, family sized chips bags and popcorn packages.   
“Well, let’s make a deal. If you finish the fruit that I prepared, I’ll give you a treat. How does that sound?”

Kihyun positively beamed, the sides of his lips curling upwards, with the two fingers still inside his mouth. Changyun took that as an affirmative and let go of the boy’s body, gently rubbing his back up and down before offering his hand for the younger to take.

“O’tay” the regressed boy verbally agreed once Changkyun grabbed the plate full of apple cuts, deciding that the Little could eat the banana by bites. Kihyun accepted the skinship gladly, grabbing the maknae’s hand with the one that he had just taken out of his mouth, without even bothering to wipe it before linking his fingers with Changkyun’s.  
The youngest grimaced at the slippery feeling on his palm but chose to not comment on it, as the Little didn’t seem to notice that his action hadn’t been exactly socially acceptable. The boy was really deep in headspace as far as the maknae understood, and the last thing he wanted was to screw up the situation. 

-

Kihyun was instantly drawn back to Hoseok as soon as they stepped in the living room, pulling Changkyun along with him to the sofa  
“Ki’yun will ’et choco!” he proudly announced when he was sat next to Hoseok, the plate of apple on his lap for easier access. Changkyun placed a plastic fork on his leg, patting the boy’s head with a small smile. He felt strangely fulfilled after successfully interacting with regressed Kihyun without any mishap, being able to appreciate Kihyun in his most vulnerable and open state. He found the younger endearingly naïve and the way the Little fully expressed his emotions- contrary to his emotionally constipated hyung, who was too prideful to convey any compromising feeling- made Changkyun feel like he had finally met the deepest Kihyun, the one that didn’t hide under a fake facade of confidence and stubbornness.

“Oh, will you?” Hoseok inquired, faking once again an exaggerated gasp that made Kihyun giggle and playfully hit him on the shoulder, blushing at the excessive reaction the older was showing. 

“Did you bribe him with a treat?” Minhyuk teased the youngest one, earning a protesting groan from him.   
“He almost cracked his head open by falling from the stupid kitchen stool while trying to steal some chocolate, so I figured it would be easier to offer him some before he attempted that stunt again” Changkyun explained in defense, glancing over to the Little, who was entertained by shoving a forkful of apple cuts in his mouth while Hoseok watched him with pure, chaste adoration.  
“He almost what?” Hyunwoo intervened, eyebrows quirking in disconcert at Changkyun’s statement.   
“He climbed on the foldable stool and didn’t position it correctly. He recovered balance quick enough but he was closed to falling” Changkyun elaborated, still not having recovered fully from the scare.   
“We are going to need to baby-proof the house” Hyugnwon lamented, imagining all the possible dangers for the regressed boy that hid in the dorm, unknown to them. The Little’s curiosity drove him to end up doing stuff an adult wouldn’t think of doing and his younger mindset prevented him from being able of carrying out tasks that he was perfectly capable of doing while aged up.  
“No, we just need some basic rules” Hyunwoo corrected. Kihyun was in his own world as they spoke, feeding Hoseok small bites of fruit between his munches, delightedly telling Hoseok about the treat he was getting and summarizing his near accident with his limited vocabulary. “Probably something along the lines of ‘not entering the kitchen without a hyung’ or ‘not climbing on random objects’.”

“We should discuss it when he is back to his adult mindset and write them down somewhere.” Minhyuk proposed, wondering how would Kihyun react to the rules, which boundaries would he set. “We need to address the tantrums too, they seem to be bothering Ki so much when he slips out”  
“Yeah, maybe make some kind of rewards chart? Something to motivate him to obey the rules, he seems quite free-spirited” Changkyun laughed, pretty sure that simply writing down a bunch of norms wouldn’t affect much on the Little’s enthusiastically chaotic behavior. 

“Kyunnie hyun’!” Kihyun called, tugging the maknae’s sleeve to attract his attention, pulling him out of the conversation while the others kept discussing their options. “Here,” he offered him the last piece of apple, holding the fork to his lips.   
Changkyun directed the boy a grateful smile, accepting the small cut immediately.  
“Yummy?” the Little asked, head slightly tilted to the side, expecting feedback from the maknae, who was still chewing the bite.   
“Delicious” Changkyun answered, eliciting a low giggle from the boy, that turned around to look at a completely smitten Hoseok gently stroking his hair.  
“‘licious. Choco now?”  
“Let’s get your choco now” Changkyun confirmed, unable to suppress the chuckle at the boy’s eager screech, who literally jumped from Hoseok’s side to push the maknae towards the kitchen, with such a huge smile plastered on his face that his rare eye dimples became evident.

-

The first part of the practice lasted three whole hours with no breaks in between. Kihyun had chugged down almost two bottles of freezing water and he had the feeling he had sweated a whole liter out of his body with the intense workout. 

When the choreographer finally allowed them to catch their breaths for a while before they resumed the practice for the concert script, nearly all of them collapsed on the floor.   
Hyunwoo, the only one remaining on his feet, threw the bag of snacks towards a soaked Jooheon, who had brattily demanded them and then proceeded to take some mercy on Kihyun's tired brain, changing the song they had been playing on loop for the past hour into a softer, calmer playlist. 

They remained on the floor for a while, sharing rice puffs and gummy bears until Kihyun couldn’t take it anymore and crawled to the plastic chairs situated against the wall and rummaged in the desk drawer, looking for the AC remote to cool the room a bit. Before he could press any button, the trainer showed up on the doorframe of their practice room and instructed them to run once through their whole concert setlist while he spoke to the manager.

Everyone complained and Minhyuk even attempted to shed some crocodile tears to extend their break time, but Hyunwoo, being the responsible leader he was, obliged them to obey the orders, changing the chill playlist he had set up a few minutes prior back to their new album CD before pulling Hyungwon to his feet with a warning spank in his thigh that made the tall boy squeak and rush into position. 

 

They were not even in their fifth track and Kihyun really tried to keep himself together, he truly did. But when the first note of Neolhada started playing, he completely lost it. He masked it for the first minute, but as soon as they lined up in the middle, a step in which Kihyun had to show a big heart to the crowd, the boy all but burst out in giggles at his reflection in the mirror.   
“Hea’t!” he exclaimed, flashing another heart to the glass and turning around, the corners of his lips curved upwards as he blew a kiss to his hyungs, who stared in confusion at the Little. 

“Yeah, cute heart, Ki” Jooheon agreed, directing a quick, cautious glance towards the studio’s open door, aware that the manager was still outside.   
“Woah! Nice heart!” Minhyuk gasped, reaching out to ruffle the boy’s unbrushed hair, turning him back towards the reflector and leaning in to whisper in his ear. “Let’s keep making hearts for the mirror, huh? So hyungs can see how well you can dance?” Minhyuk tried, attempting to find a way to redirect their hour of practice with an unexpected regression. The choreographer would be back in a few minutes maximum, so they had to disguise the boy’s headspace the best they could.   
“Yeah! Can dan’e ‘eally good!!” the smaller chirped and ran to the starting position by mere muscle memory as Jooheon played the song back from the start.

The instructor’s reunion with the manager extended for quite long, so they decided to roll with Kihyun’s regression and make use of the practice time. The boy’s movements were pretty rough and not as defined as adult Kihyun’s would have been, but he was successfully reviewing the choreographies, so there was no major problem with it. He did manage to fall backward twice, being caught by Hoseok once before he could land on the hardwood floor. The second time he wasn’t that lucky and ended up collapsing on his butt on the tough floor.   
Everyone panicked for a split second, but the Little surprised them by breaking out in giggles at the apparently hilarious situation, in which the other members didn’t find any way to force him back to practice. 

They sat him on a chair in front of them, so he could play the judging part as the others finished their workout, sipping on a chocolate shake as he blew kisses and thumbs up signs towards the exhausted members, who suddenly didn’t feel that tired after receiving such an adorable encouragement. 

 

After that unplanned adventure, the boy’s nap that afternoon lasted two entire hours and the Little demanded to be in Hoseok’s arms the whole dinner time, complaining about the pain in his legs. He appeared to be extremely clingy after the exhaustive workout, but it was safe to say that nobody heard even one protest from the other members, who didn’t even try to deny anymore they weren’t completely and irreversibly smitten for the little one cuddling in their laps.


	8. epilogue

After that incident- to which a pretty nasty fall from the bed followed, because the boy had absolutely refused to stop jumping on the mattress while Hoseok dressed him- Kihyun seemed to take his hyung’s words and advice pretty seriously, attempting his best to express his needs vocally and taking some deep breaths before exploding in a full blown tantrum when something didn’t go his way. 

 

They had established some basic rules for Kihyun’s security and for their own mental health, because the boy definitely had imagination when it came to getting in trouble. Kihyun wasn’t allowed in the kitchen without one of them; napping once a day was mandatory since a tired adult meant a very cranky Little; no hitting or swearing was allowed, both from the caregiver and the regressed part (not that they had ever hit Kihyun or planned to do so, but Hyungwon tended to curse way too much for their liking); and the Little needed to ask for permission to perform a task he wasn’t used to do, such as painting with anything other than crayons (their sofa had now marker doodles), going out of the house (he had innocently tried to follow a ladybug and ended up on the street, barefoot and shirtless) or playing with his hair (explaining to the stylist why was he missing a chunk of his bangs hadn’t been easy).

They kept adding some punctual norms as the time passed, such as not playing with skin care products after Kihyun locked himself in the bathroom because he had decided his plushies needed some moisturizer. 

 

Overall, they had tried to find a balance, a medium point where Kihyun could be as relaxed and carefree as he needed without endangering his or the other members’ life in the process. 

 

-

 

Hyungwon covered the boiling pot after adding the instant noodles to the water and watched how Kihyun struggled with the sliding glass door. He couldn’t help but crack up, seeing the Little’s frown forming as he pulled on the lock without any result. 

Luckily, Minhyuk had noticed his fight and immediately went to help, unlocking the latch and pushing the sliding door open so Kihyun could step inside. 

 

The Little was carrying a white football ball in his arms, one of his new-found hobbies. After watching a match on TV a few weeks before, the boy had been speaking of the sport non-stop, until Hyunwoo had gifted him a ball. Kihyun had been ecstatic, pulling Minhyuk and Jooheon- his usual play mates- to their small backyard and begging to play for a bit before they had to leave for the showcase. 

He had been practising steadily during the weekends when he could regress, and today was no exception. 

 

The boy took his shoes off before stepping inside, directing a content smile to Hyungwon. 

“How was it today, did you win again?” The adult asked, picking up the empty packets of noodles and throwing them in the bin. 

“Uh huh” Kihyun confirmed, leaving the ball next to his shoes and hoping inside “Minmin’s no’ a good goalie”

Hyungwon chuckled, imagining the clumsy vocalist attempting his best to keep up with Kihyun's unending enthusiasm and his powerful kicks. 

“I bet he is not” Hyungwon agreed, raising the pot's cover to check on the ramen. 

“What’s you doing?” Kihyun wanted to know, trying to guess what Hyungwon was preparing since he couldn't see the pot from his position. 

“Attempting ramen, kiddo” Hyungwon truthfully answered, lowering the stove. 

“Can I have some?” the Little requested, feeling slightly hungry after a whole hour of running behind the ball. 

“When it's done” the other promised, even though he didn’t know if the final result would be edible. The last time he had tried to make instant noodles, Kihyun had claimed they were so bad, his taste buds were confused. It had been hilarious, but Hyungwon had realized he had to step up his cooking skills. 

“Okay!” the boy grinned, easily accepting the answer. His eyes scanned the room, stopping on the wall clock and widening. “Pororo is starting!” the Little gasped, suddenly remembering about his favorite cartoons, which he had yet to miss. He always made sure to have a device near so he could watch the short episodes that the kids channel broadcasted, never missing a day when regressed. 

“Go watch it, Ki. I’ll bring you some when it’s done” the younger member encouraged, giving the boy one last smile before the regressor skipped to the living room, chanting the cartoon’s name excitedly. 

  
  


He found Hyunwoo in the living room, scrolling on his social media with an ice pack on his ankle. He had twisted the joint during practice so Jooheon forced him to sit on the couch and forbid him to move for the rest of the afternoon, expecting it to heal fast before their next day event. 

 

Kihyun jumped on the sofa next to him, pulling an unavoidable foolish grin from the oldest. He was completely smitten with Little Kihyun, and, even though the leader’s way of expressing affection towards the regressed boy wasn’t exactly conventional, he always assured that the younger was safe and his needs were met, no matter the place or the time. 

 

“Hey, buddy, did you have a good nap?” Hyunwoo inquired, misinterpreting the boy’s messy hair. Kihyun giggled, perfectly aware that he had skipped his usual rest and shook his head. 

“Played foo’ball wit’ hyungies.” he explained, searching for the TV remote. He was quick to spot it under a cushion and very gently placed it in the other’s lap, hoping that Hyunwoo would let the fact that he was due a missed nap pass without much fuss. “Watch Pororo now, p'ease?”

 

Hyunwoo eyed the boy, who seemed pretty energetic, and then down to the remote in his lap. He was known for being the strict caregiver, so he pondered for a few seconds if it was better to send Kihyun down for a nap, but ended pushing the idea out of his mind, understanding how important that time of the day was for the regressed boy. 

“Okay. Get comfy in here, hyung is a bit hurt today”

“I kno’. Jooheonie hyung said tha’ your stupi’ ass better be ca’eful nex’ time” the Little parroted the rapper’s words, covering his mouth with both hands after he saw Hyunwoo’s brow raise inquisitively, unable to hold back a mischievous giggle when he realized he had tattled on his friend. 

“Oh, did he?” Hyunwoo asked, not really surprised at the news, knowing both Hyungwon and Jooheon had a hard time censuring his speech in front of the regressor. “I guess he will have a long talk with me when he comes back”

“Time-out?” Kihyun wondered, now apprehension coating his voice, his gut twisting a bit at the thought that he had told on the rapper by accident. 

“We’ll see, kiddo” Hyunwoo patted the boy’s thigh, turning the TV on and redirecting the Little’s attention. “Here, it’s about to start”

 

Kihyun directed him a huge grin, leaning back on the sofa and getting almost instantly absorbed by the colorful cartoons. When Hyunwoo made sure the boy was occupied with the TV, he peeked outside, spotting Jooheon on the hanging hammock and decided to have a quick word with him. 

By no means he was going to force him in a time-out as Kihyun feared, but he needed to remind the younger the importance of choosing the right words when speaking to the Little. 

The previous month, the boy had acquired special affection for the word ‘fuck’ and had spent the whole weekend shouting the curse at random moments. One of the incidents had passed while walking out of the company building, when Kihyun had started to feel sleepy, consequently dropping, and Hoseok hadn't realized. Out of the blue, the younger had blurted out the foul word, giggling like a madman when he noticed his caregivers’ surprised expressions. It had taken more than a few time-outs to get rid of the nasty habit and it wasn’t something that Hyunwoo desired to repeat. 

 

-

 

When Hoseok came out of the shower, he decided to clean up his room a bit before starting to work. He quickly dressed with some clean clothes and left his computer on the desk, picking up the coloring books that Kihyun had left sprawled on his working space. 

He hadn’t been able to write any productive lyrics during the past days, since Kihyun was glued to him the major part of the time, occupying his lap or demanding some cuddles. Not that Hoseok was complaining at all, he adored the time spent with the boy and those cozy times always left his mind on cloud nine, but their producer had been pressing Hoseok to finish the song he had been working on, so he had left Kihyun in the others’ capable hands, hoping they would be able to keep him entertained. 

 

After almost three hours of scribbling down on his checkered notebook, his mind was approaching combustion, so he deemed necessary a break. He pulled himself out of his room, padding down the corridor and entering the living room, which was filled with the high-pitched voices of Kihyun’s cartoon characters. 

He caught the boy mid-yawn, curled on the sofa. His thumb was propped on his lips and his full attention fixed on the TV, barely noticing Hoseok’s appearance. 

“Kihyunnie, are you sleepy?” the caregiver chuckled, receiving an evident drowsy blink and a weak shake of head from the Little, whose finger had fallen from his mouth to the sofa. “Are you sure about that? Minhyuk didn’t put you down for a nap, did he?”

Kihyun, completely out, gave another lethargic shake, which forced Hoseok to suppress a coo at the vocal’s attempts to dissimulate his tiredness. 

“Alright, close your eyes for hyungie, huh? I will fetch your pacifier and we’ll have some nice rest” Hoseok coaxed the Little into shutting his eyes, already aware that the boy would be out like a light as soon as he covered him with his blanket. 

  
  


As he expected, after plopping the boy’s favorite grey soother in his mouth and handing him his yellow stuffie, the boy’s expression softened. Hoseok sat on the empty space that Kihyun’s small body didn’t occupy and carded a hand through the boy’s hazelnut hair, gently scratching his scalp to help him settle down completely. Making sure the younger had positively dozed off, the older reached for the remote, expecting to catch up with his current TV show while he kept an eye on the little boy.

 

-

 

Changkyun decided to strip down to his boxers before helping Kihyun into the tub. He left their used clothes on the floor, as far as possible from the bathtub, fully knowing that the floor would end up nearly flooded after the Little’s bath. 

The lukewarm water sloshed to the sides when the boy everything but plopped on the ceramic, pulling a delighted giggle from him when a resigned sigh escaped from Changkyun’s mouth, ecstatic to share his bath time with the maknae. 

The youngest one reached for the glittery purple bath bomb that Hoseok had left- along with some baby oil and an incredibly fluffy looking towel- on the sink before putting him on bathing duty. He handed it to Kihyun, who accepted it with his best angelical smile and lowered the sphere to the water, not pulling his eyes apart from the slowly tinting bathtub. 

 

“Look, hyung, ‘s pu’ple” Kihyun stated the obvious, seeming amazed by the coloring bomb even though it was a usual occurrence during his bathtimes while in headspace. 

“It is, isn't it? Your hair is gonna be all sparkly before we rinse it” Changkyun pointed out, trying to encourage Kihyun to submerge his head on the water. 

 

They had been having a lot of issues with washing Kihyun’s hair, since everything that had to do with water in his head -even wetting a single strand - would turn the Little into a screeching wild animal, who screamed and cried until they stopped touching his locks. Lately, Hoseok had discovered that bubble soap and bath bombs helped the regressed boy with that difficult process, but it didn’t always do the trick. 

Luckily for Changkyun, Kihyun was motivated enough by the glitter to willingly damp his hair by himself that time, tilting his head forwards for the maknae to confirm it was sparkly. 

 

“Hyung will start with the shampoo, is that good? You can help me with the body wash meanwhile.” Changkyun risked the worst part first, crossing his fingers for Kihyun to accept the offer. 

“Don’t wan’ sha'poo” Kihyun refused, scooting away from the younger with a slight jut in his bottom lip. 

“Let’s try another way, then. You rub the shampoo and then hyung will check it. If it’s good enough, we can play a bit before rinsing, is that better?”

“Play sharkie?” Kihyun asked, looking much more appealed by the proposal that time.

“Yeah, whatever you want” Changkyun confirmed, internally breathing in relief now that he knew Kihyun wouldn’t have a full blown meltdown during the entire duration of the bath. 

“‘kay, Ki'yun will try his best” 

  
  


When they finally finished playing what the Little graciously called 'Sharkie', Changkyun's body was so soaked that he considered getting in the bath with the other boy. His long fringe was sticking to his forehead, beads of water falling down his face and prickling his eyes after Kihyun had splashed more than half of the bath water on him during his shark imitation. 

To the maknae's relief, the regressor's hair had been nicely shampooed and he hadn't had much problem with the body wash. Distracting Kihyun with the small swirls the draining purplish water created, he managed to rinse the boy's locks without any screaming. 

 

After the bathtub had emptied -Kihyun had refused to come out until all the glittery water had disappeared- Changkyun reached for the white towel, enveloping the smaller inside the fluffy fabric. Kihyun squealed at the feeling and allowed Changkyun to wrap him up tightly, burrito-like, enjoying the soft texture. That gave the maknae enough time to rub a spare towel through the Little's hair, drying them as much as he could without upsetting him. 

"Well, should we put some jammies on you?" 

 

\--

 

Less than half an hour later, Hyunwoo announced that the take-away had arrived. Kihyun darted to the kitchen, leaving Changkyun to clean up the mess of crayons on the floor. Thankfully for the Little, the maknae didn't tend to be as strict as the other hyungs could be, so he didn't mind staying for a few minutes more to clean up the room. 

 

When he finally entered the kitchen, Kihyun patted the seat to his right, eyes sparkling with enthusiasm as he explained:

"Hyung sits ne't to me!"

Hoseok, kicked out from his usual chair, took the other seat next to the maknae and immediately scrunched up his nose at the smell that creeped up his nostrils. 

"You smell like baby lotion"

 

The room erupted in chuckles at the change of expression in Changkyun's features, who blushed deeply at being exposed. 

"Well, no shit, hyung. Kihyun decided that my skin needed some good moisturizer too."

"Kyun, language" Hyunwoo immediately scolded on top of Jooheon and Hyungwon's laughs. Kihyun giggled mischievously, incredibly satisfied that his action had involuntarily created such a ruckus. He adored making his hyungs laugh, even if he had initially covered Changkyun in his lotion with all his good intention. 

"You are way too lenient" 

"And what am I supposed to do? Say no? He is too cute for his own good" Changkyun complained, finally laughing with his bandmates, gently patting Kihyun's head, who was absolutely thrilled with the positive attention, not really understanding the situation. 

"Ki'yun takes goo' care of hyung" he affirmed, nodding his head for emphasis, releasing another chorus of laughter. "Such a goo' boy"

"Exactly, such a good boy, buddy. Let's eat our dinner and make sure Kyunnie also eats well, huh?" Hoseok coaxed the boy into taking a bite of his untouched food while Hyungwon attempted his best to not choke with his chicken wing, seeing Changkyun's horrified expression at the older vocal's words. 

"Eat up, hyun'!" Kihyun ordered while munching on the piece of meat that his other caregiver was offering him. 

 

\--

 

After finishing the dishes, Minhyuk finally had some time to relax. He walked to the living room, claiming the best spot in the chaise lounge and waiting for Hyunwoo and Hoseok to appear. He reached for the remote and logged in Netflix, preparing the following episode of the TV show the older ones were enjoying. 

Hoseok came from the bathroom a few minutes later, making himself comfortable in the couch and letting out a small sigh, relaxed after the long shower. 

The tranquility in the room didn't last much, because some socked footsteps were heard, approaching the living room. Kihyun appeared in the door frame, hair ruffled and his soother in hand, his eyes slightly puffed as if he had been upset. 

"Buddy, it's past your bedtime. What are you doing here?" Hoseok asked, voice soft and calming to make the interaction with the sleepy regressor as easy as possible. 

"'m thi'sty"

"Thirsty? Come here, I'll give you a glass of water and then we'll go straight to bed, alright?" Minhyuk offered, groaning as he got up from the couch. 

 

Kihyun nodded, pretty unconvinced. Nevertheless, he followed his hyung all the way to the kitchen, accepting the water he was handed without a word. 

He quickly gulped it down, attaching to Minhyuk's arm as soon as the glass was retired from his hand, aware that the caregiver would send him to his room. He whimpered weakly when the older tried to move, gripping the man's sleeve. 

"Hey, Kihyun, you said you would return to bed if hyung gave you some water. It's too late for you to be up." Minhyuk valued the younger's rest, having experienced a few times what a sleep deprived Little behaved like. Furthermore, he didn't want the boy to lose his appetite, scenario in which Kihyun would absolutely refuse to eat, throwing some earthquake-like tantrums every time someone tried to get food near his mouth. "Hyung will tuck you in"

 

"'kay" the boy reluctantly accepted, pressing his head to Minhyuk's bicep for a few seconds before separating from the older, who gently took his hand and made his way to the bedroom. 

 

\--

 

The incident repeated itself twice before Hoseok finally intervened. The Little shyly appeared in the living room, pouty mouth and puppy eyes, with some random excuse about why he couldn't sleep. Minhyuk, as the angel he was, helped the regressed boy in whatever need he hadn't met and then gently coaxed him back to bed, totally in vain.

 

When Kihyun appeared in the doorway for fourth time, Hoseok noticed his tear-welled eyes and understood that the repetitive action wasn't one of Kihyun's attention-seeking moves -usually used when the Little wanted someone to pay him individual recognition.

“Kihyunnie, come here with hyungie.” he opened his arms for the boy to waddle to him, his bottom lip already trembling. “What’s it this time, tell me”

“Need a ligh’ on” he mumbled, sinking under his oversized pajama shirt. 

“Minmin already left your star night light on, baby” the vocal reminded, giving the other’s arm a gentle rub. “Do you need some more help to fall asleep?”

“Wan’ the big ligh’s, hyun’ie” the smaller argued. But at the man’s following words, he gave a small, almost imperceptible nod, cheeks flushing pink. “Cuddles, p’ease”

 

Hoseok chuckled softly, totally aware of what his question implied and endeared by the boy’s reaction. 

“Of course, buddy. Let’s get everything ready and then we’ll get ourselves comfy in your bed. How does that sound?”

“Goo’” the change of tone in the regressed boy was obvious, turning into his normal, softer one. He appeared extremely relieved when Hoseok finally got up, walking to the kitchen before asking the other two adults in the room to keep an eye on the Little.

 

Exactly four minutes later, Hoseok appeared in the living room once again, holding a large bottle in his hand, full of what seemed to be dark-colored milk, probably because he had added a bit of cocoa to sweeten the bland taste. Kihyun, who had been quite restlessly fidgeting with his necklace at his most trusted person’s absence, regained his sheepish smile.

“Alright, buddy, you need to get your beauty sleep. Say good night to the others”

“Goo’ nigh'’” the younger waved at them, scrambling up from the sofa to take Hoseok’s hand, allowing to be guided out of the room towards the dark corridor without further complaint. 

  
  


Once in the Little’s room, Hoseok situated himself on the bed, leaning on the wall for an optimal position for his back, as he knew it would start aching if he forced it too much. Then, he picked up the waiting boy and sat him across his lap, so that Kihyun’s head was laying on his broad chest. 

“Good boy, buddy. Try to relax, okay?” he whispered, reaching for the light switch situated next to the bed, leaving the room faintly illuminated by the dim night light. He was aware Kihyun was spiralling further into his headspace, so he could venture with some pet names and intimate actions that the Little refused in an older regressed age. “Shhh, let’s close our eyes and drink some warm milk”

 

The smaller didn’t need any more coaxing, settling immediately on the caregiver’s arms and accepting the warmed up beverage, albeit the blush on his cheeks was evident. 

That aspect of regression, in which Kihyun was pretty foreign, made him feel a bit insecure and mostly out of control. He normally didn’t enjoy dropping into a baby-like headspace, he got bored exhaustingly fast and he didn’t have the appropriate resources to deal with his younger mindset. But that night, he was way too exhausted to even question himself, so he simply allowed his mind to find the longing comfort in Hoseok’s caring figure. 

 

He intermittently sucked on the silicone nipple in his mouth, letting the tension melt under the older’s skilled fingers, that massaged his scalp with infinite tenderness. Slowly but steadily, he finally started to feel the slumber taking over him, belly warm and full and lulled in Hoseok’s embrace. 

Not fully conscious about his state, he turned around, weakly pushing the almost finished bottle away and instead circled his arms around Hoseok’s neck, resting his head on the older’s shoulder. 

“‘ove you s’much, hyun’ie” he babbled, the words muffled by his sleepiness and probably the fact that his mouth was pressed against Hoseok’s neck juncture. 

“I love you too, Kihyunnie. So, so much.” the caregiver corresponded, miraculously having deciphered the boy’s murmurs “Time to go night-night, baby. Hyungie will stay with you”

“H’un’ie wi’ stay?”

“I promise I’ll stay the whole night, darling. Sweet dreams” he assured, unable to hide his smile as Kihyun blinked lethargically a few more times, an unhelpful attempt to linger awake, and ultimately dozed off on his arms, clutching Hoseok’s loose shirt with his fists as a reminder of his promise. 

 

Hoseok grunted lightly under the younger’s weight, his lower back starting to protest at the unnatural position. He carefully repositioned himself, managing to lay down while keeping the Little’s body on top of him, maintaining the skin to skin contact. A yawn escaped from his mouth and he threw his head back, realizing he wouldn’t be able to join the other two he had left in the living room for their TV marathon. He quietly sighed, brushing Kihyun’s too long bangs out of his eyes and pressed a gentle kiss on his forehead, resigning to his fate. 

  
  


As he shifted to dreamland, he reached the conclusion that, looking back at it, he could always catch up with the missed episodes the next day. Sleepy cuddles with Kihyun weren’t as common as Hoseok would have liked to, so he would enjoy the moment as long as it lasted.

And, with a dozed off Little in his arms, clinging to him with his whole trust, he finally comprehended he really wouldn’t have it any other way.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this story has come to an end  
> i hope you enjoyed it as much as i did writing it ^-^
> 
> have an amazing day! <3

**Author's Note:**

> there aren't enough little fics for monsta x :''( 
> 
> comments and kudos are my lifeline, please give constructive criticism or whatever you feel like saying ^-^
> 
> lots of love!


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